We are going to have to wait a little longer

We were told in January that we should be getting a referral around May/June. Now that May is finally here, we have been so excited. I sent Johnna an email Friday just to see if the wait time is still the same. I didn't quite get the response that I was hoping for. She informed us that we would still have a minimum of 3-4 more months. All I could think was "Are you kidding me?" I feel like we have already waited for an eternity. I know that 3-4 months is really not that long, but to me it feels like forever. I was so bummed. For once I was angry...truly angry. So I went home, and I just asked the Lord to give me one night to just be mad. I asked him to forgive my attitude, but I truly needed to just be mad. I try very hard to stay positive, but this day...I just needed to be angry. I did ask the Lord to help me wake up Saturday morning with a better attitude and to continue to push forward...with no anger. Sure enough, Saturday morning I woke up and I truly feel so much better. If we have to wait a little longer then we just have to wait longer. I know that the Lord has so many great things in store for us. I just have to sit back and wait on his timing. Saturday afternoon, I just flipped into my Bible to a devotional. It was on waiting on the Lord's timing. Hmmm...reckon the Lord was trying to tell me something? So for now.....we continue to wait.

Paperwork Updates

Anyone who thinks adoption is easy is sadly mistaken. I read somthing the other day that a mother had birthed three of her children and adopted her fourth child. In the article she stated that adoption was much harder than any of her births. I kinda think that statement has to be true. We headed back to Atlanta yesterday for which feels like round 400 of apostilling. I was able to finish almost everything to carry us through until July.
We were told back in January that we should expect a referral sometime in May or June (now with Russia, this is not a definate.) It could be much sooner and it could be much later. So, May is here, and now I feel like a complete slave to my phone. I won't go anywhere with out it. Every time my phone rings I think "Could it be?" This is not fun! Just a few months ago, I was dying to get out of the "paperchase" phase and into the "waiting phase". I truly thought that the waiting phase would be easier than the paper chase. Let me tell ya....not so. I am quite tired of this "waiting" phase. I do hope that the Lord forgives my increasing impatience.

Adoptions still going strong

Just a quick update on the situation in Russia with adoptions to American citizens. We recieved word from our coordinator that the Russian government has officially declined the petition to suspend adoptions to US citizens. Isn't the Lord good? He always works things out, he always takes care of us!

The Mother's in my Life

I know that I am several days early, but with a little time to spare and a super busy weekend coming up I wasn't sure if I'd have a chance to post this in time for Mother's Day. I want to say thank for the Mother's that the Lord has blessed me with: my Mama, my Mema, and gone way too soon... my Grandma Callie.

To my Mama:

Thank you for being one of the greatest gifts that I could ever be blessed with. You are the best mama a girl could ever as for. You are beyond just my mother...you are my best friend. Thanks for always being there for me. You have made me the woman that I am today (you may or may not even want to take credit for that, HA!!). You have taught me that it is far better to give then to recieve. You were and always are putting others ahead of yourself...a trait of a true giver. I hope that I am half as giving as you are. Growing up, you taught me how to cook, clean, do laundry, sew, iron....all the things that women should know. I thank you for teaching me those things when I was little because they do make me a be better person and hopefully a better wife today. I may not have appreciated learning those things when I was little, but I sure do thank you for it now. Thank you for raising me in church and teaching me what it means to be a true Christian. Thank you for raising me in a peaceful home, that was full of love. Thank you Mama for being the best Mama in the world. I love you!!

To my Mema,

Thank you for being such a great Mema and loving me the way that you do. I think you are responsible for my love of shopping! I used to love to go shopping with you. Thank you for always remebering to have ketchup and tomatoes when you serve me hamburgers (even though I did have to suffer that one ketchup and tomato-less burger when I was young, HA!!). Thank you for the fantastic birthday cakes that you used to make...especially the ones with the Barbie in them and the cake was her dress. Thank you for riding rollercoasters with me when I was little, and not making me go to school when I cried. Most of all thank you for being the Christain woman that you are and raising my mama to be the woman that she is today. Thank you for your prayers, I know that no matter what...I always have my Mema praying for me. I love you very much and am blessed to call you my Mema!

To my Grandma Callie (who is not longer with us):

I will definately say that I get my passion for cooking from you. You were an amazing cook, and I hope that I can one day just cook half as good as you! You always showed your love for your family with an enormous meal on the table. I find myself being just like that. You were one of the strongest and most independent women that I have ever known and I do hope that is something that I recieved from you. I did get a little bit (or a big bit, depending on who you ask, HA!) of your stubborn streak. You loved your children and grandchildren with all your heart, family was everything to you. Thank you for raising my daddy who posesses the same love for his family that you did. I find myself being more and more like you the older that you get, I just wish that I had your green thumb. You were a giver, you would do anything thing that you could for others, especially those in need. I miss you like crazy. You were an amazing Grandma and I always knew that you loved me no matter what. I love you Grandma Callie!!

So I just want to wish all the mother's out there a very happy Mother's Day! I also want to thank God for the Mother's that he placed in my life that have made me who I am today.

Still a waitin' and a prayin'

The US and Russian officials are to meet this week (the 29th & 30th to be exact). This meeting was supposed to occur last week but do to the volcanoe in Sweden, officials were not able to fly to Russia. Adoptions have not been suspended as of yet, and we are hoping, praying and trusting that it stays that way. This meeting will hopefully have a permanent resolve and there will be no more worries.
I know that I have said this before, but this waiting stuff is getting so hard. Patience has never been my virtue. I am honestly trying very hard to keep a good attitude and be patient. But let me tell ya, there are some days that I feel like I am going to loose my mind just waiting on the day that my cell phone rings and AWAA comes up on the caller ID. I really do try to not let myself think about it every minute of every day, but the more time passes the harder it is to direct my thoughts anywhere but to the day that we bring our little one home.
As difficult as the waiting has been and is becoming, I must say that I am thankful for it. Do I wish that the waiting weren't this long? Heck yes! However, I do feel that it has only strengthen my walk with God. It has made me have to reoly solely on him and to keep my focus on him and him alone. I feel like my walk with the Lord has become stronger then ever, and that is because this waiting phase (the whole adoption process for that matter), has made me see how great he is and to rely directly on him. For that I will forever be greatful for this "waiting" phase. I know that the Lord has us where we are right now for a reason. Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite verse ever!

Good News!

We just had a conference call with our coordinator, who informed us that the media reports are inacurate. Adoptions have not been suspended. So thanks CNN for causing me to panic, and thanks FOX for being the only one that was reporting correct information. However, the situation is not out of the woods so to speak just yet. But it does appear that this should not be an issue. My faith does waiver at times, and the human nature in me begins to second guess things. The bottom line is that the Lord is ever faithful and he has carried this far. I know that at the end of the day, the Lord has us in his hands and he is going to take care of this! Praise the Lord and all his greatness!!

Is it OK?

Is it ok to be mad as fire?

Is it ok to have the desire to drive to Tennessee to find Torry and Nancy Hansen because I want to look them in the eye and ask them what in the heck they were thinking? Because I want to make sure that they understand the scope of what their bad decisions have done to that poor child as well as those of us who have put everything on the line and worked so hard to get to the point that we are at just to have it possibly snatched away.

Is it ok to want to crawl in a hole and scream...really loud?

Is it ok to have a moment where you just want to throw in the towel and say the heck with this, I have no fight left in me...I'm done!

Is it ok to feel defeated and exhausted and just plain feel crummy?

I am going to answer these questions for myself. Yes! It is ok...but just for a minute. So I have sat here for the past two hours and felt all of the above. Now I am going to put on my big girl panties, seek the Lord with everthing that I have and cast all worries on him.
For the past week, we have recieved numerous calls and messages of encouragement on this situation. Today, we have already recieved so many words of encouragement and people letting us know that we are in their prayers. This means so much to me. It means the world and then some to know that there are that many people out there that care. People that I would have have never expected have offered so much encouragement and it has truly lifted me up today. Thanks so much everyone out there for the support, it is more comforting then you will ever know!