A few weeks ago, I started a new bible study at church. This past week our assignment was write down 3-5 things that were of most importance to us in our lives. This was intended to not be what should be the most imporant but rather what we were making the most important in our lives. Pssshhh...easy peasie, right? Not so much! I left class thinking I'll have that done in a matter of minutes. The next day, I went to go on and make my list so that I didn't forget later in the week. I thought it would only take me a couple of seconds. I grab my pen and paper and began to write: 1) Kids 2) Husband...wait...is that really the truth??? I know that it should be 1)God 2) Husband and 3)kids, that is the order that the Lord tells us that we need to put things in our lives...but do we really?? I can without a shadow of a doubt say that I don't. I put my pen down and eally bgan to think about what I am focusing on the most in my life. This easy task became a very complicated one for me in a matter of minutes. So I sit and think...what takes up most of my time? I wanted to see not necessarily what was physically taking a lot of my time, but I wanted to see where my mind was focused. I know that majority of my time is with my kids and I would have that no other way. I have waited long enough for them and been without them long enough that I don't want to spend one unneccessary minute away from them. But I began to realize that they devil was attacking me with one thing that is holding me down and keeping me from putting things in the order that God would like them to be in. In our adoption process, the devil attacked me daily with doubt. He tried every single minute to make me give up and not push through on bringing my kids home. Well...he failed. So now he has begun to get a hold on me in a much different way...one that it took this assignment for me to even see. He attacks me daily with people pleasing. Simple as that, sounds kind of crazy I know. Before becoming a parent there was a lot that didn't really matter much to me so I went with the flow because it was not really a big deal. Since becoming a mother, my priorities have been flipped in a pretty big way and there are things that are highly important to me now that Benji and I didn't deem super important before. The devil has begun to take over my thoughts and make me spend an incredible amount of time worrying about who's going to think what about every single choice that I make. There are times that Benji and I make a choice on how we plan on doing something then in creeps the devil with "you can't do that...it will make this person mad. You can't do that...you my because this person wants you to do it this way". All this is the devil's crafty way of making a mess of the way that the Lord intends for my priorities to be. This has really made me have to sit back and evaluate my life and the people in it. It is going to be a major undertaking but I am determined to get my priorities back in line.
1) God: making sure that I am following and seeking his path for my life daily.
2) My husband: yes I spend plenty of time with my hubby, with the exceptin of work we are usually together. But am I really putting him first? Am I putting his heart first in choices that I make in my life or I am putting other things first because it is easier? I am blessed with an incredibly flexible and understanding husband. Do I take advantage of those wonderful qualities and put him and the things he wants last because he is so easy going? Yep...I do. Is that the way God intended me to be as his wife? Not at all...reckon I really need to get to working on this one and stand firm behind him when he voices his opinions and his desires. I have some work to do here:)
3)My kids: I do pretty good here for the most part. But there are some pretty specific things that I want for my kids and our family. I need to make sure that I stand firm on those things and close my ears to any naysayers...that is where the devil gets me the most. I only have a few years to do the most for my kids. I want to make sure that I am implementing values into them that the Lord has called me to do. I want to be the very best Mother that I can be for my boys. I can't be the best mother until I put the previous 2 in place and quit letting naysayers get the best of me. Those are not the voices of God.
So it is my new mission to completely block out personal attacks because they have really pulled me down lately. I have allowed them into my spirit and it has really effected me in a big way over the past several months. On that same hand..I want to watch myself in that same regard. I don't want to be someone's stumbling block. I don't want to be the devil's handyman and tear others down. So...for accountability sake, I personally will be working my hardest to get my priorities in the order the Lord has called me to put them in, and I will be checking myself for negativity...I want to make sure that I am building others up not tearing them