Waiting on a court date

We are patiently waiting on a court date. We have had a very difficult time getting one thing. The first few weeks being home really weren't so bad. But now each day that passes, I miss the boys more and more. Words just can't express how badly I am ready to get back to them. Their room is ready, their closets are loaded, and preparations are in the works to complete their playroom. The only thing lacking is just them.

There is a huge piece of me that feels crummy for celebrating Christmas. I feel guilty that I get to enjoy the wonderful holiday at home with my family while they are thousands of miles away in an orphanage, no family, no gifts, no Santa. I know in my heart that God has a perfect plan and that his timing is one of perfection whereas my timing is out of impatience. I know that even though we wont be with them this year for Christmas, God is with them. I also know that even though they are in an orphange this year for Christmas...next year will the most special Christmas ever!

So in the wait for a court date (which we are praying hard is going to be in January because I don't know that I can make it to Feb.), I want to focus on the reason for the season. It is not the gifts and Santa, but rather the birth of Jesus. He is the one and only reason for the season. I hope you all are having a wonderful Christmas season!

Lots of Catching up

I know it has been awhile since my last post. Time has just gotten away from me. I do have a good bit to catch up on though.
We had a great Thanksgiving. My whole family was down and stayed through the weekend. It is not often that my brother and my sister are able to make it back for several days at a time. My brother stayed at our house of a couple nights and my sister and her family was right next door at my parents for a few days. It was so wonderful to have us all together for several days. Then we got to do our annual Black Friday shopping. I love black Friday shopping. It has become a tradition with my BFF, Benji and I. This year my sister and bro-in-law were abe to go too. We always have a great time.
Then, this past Sunday, our church hosted a "Bringing home the boys shower" for us. I can not even express how blessed that we were. I must say that ladies in our church are some of the hardest working, most giving, very loving, and all around best ladies ever! We were so blessed to have several of our friends and family there. I know that I have said it before but our family and friends mean so much to us. We have some of the best family and some of the best friends ever. We could not do this without the amount of support that we have recieved. We are so lucky to have the friends and family that God has put in our lives. The boys were blessed with so many nice new things and we were blessed by the outpouring of love. Thank you so much to everyone that took time out of your busy schedules to come, I know that many of you lead very busy lives and many of you had a bit of a drive...but we thank you so much for coming. It really and truly meant so much to both Benji and I.
As of now, we are having some issues with some paperwork. There is one thing the court is requesting and we are having a hard time getting. I am growing very impatient and have to constantly rely on the Lord to keep my patience in check. I am just so ready to see the boys again and get them home. Each day that passes, our chances of a Jan. court date gets smaller. We know that the Lord is not going to leave us hanging...he never has and never will. We are just so ready to get them home.

It's a God thing

I just feel really lead to post this today. We have been very lucky to not have been met with too many adoption skeptics....or at least we have not heard of many people that have had negative things to say about our journey to our boys. However, we are fully aware that there are people out there that don't understand. I have had one woman come up to me and say that she was "praying for my womb to open". Part of me was very irritated by that comment, part of me wanted to bust out laughing because who says stuff like that, and then another part of me just felt very sorry for her and her ignorance on the subject of adoption. I have gotten a few "as soon as you adopt then maybe you will have your own children". This one really rubs me the wrong way. Do people really think that just because we choose to adopt that they will not be our "own children"? Benji and I just don't care that much about biology. It's actually pretty silly to us. I have heard of other people that say they don't know that they can love someone that is not linked to them biologically. Really?? My thoughts on that are "How can you truly love your spouse then?" Your spouse is not linked to you biologically. Let me tell ya...I love my spouse more than life itself. I love him because he is the one that the Lord has chosen for me to be with...and of course because he is a pretty awesome guy:) My in-laws are not biologically connected to me but I love them as though they were. Our nieces and nephews on Benji's side are not biologically related to me but I love them all as though they were my own. I have friends that I love just like they are my family. They aren't biologically linked to me but still there is little that I wouldn't do for anyone of them. In the grand scheme of life, what does a little DNA have to do with love? If DNA determines what your heart will and will not allow you to love, then perhaps you should do a reality check on your heart.
Adoption is a calling in life. It is not for everyone. Heck, as tough as it can be, sometimes I wonder if it is really for us:) Everyone in life has their own calling. It's all a matter of really seeking the Lord and listening to what your calling life is. When the Lord calls...you answer. The Lord has called Benji and I to adopt and we are doing our very best to listen and follow him.
Again, we have been quite fortunate to not have been met with too many negative adoption skeptics. I do have a very dear friend who is in the process of adopting as well, and she has been met with a little negativity. There are people out there that are a little narrow minded and somewhat insensitive. Plain and simply put...they do not understand adoption, let alone international adoption. All I can say is...it's a God thing. If you don't understand, then seek him for the answers. When you are truely seeking the Lord...it really stirs the devil up and aggitates him. Thus he comes in and trys very hard to discourage you on the path that you are on. I just challenge anyone out there to NOT let the devil use you as a vessel to discourage others who are fighting their own battles. If you can't be positive, uplifting and encouraging to someone then by all means...just be silent. Otherwise...you are doing the devil's dirty work.

In the wait

I just thought that the waiting on a referral was hard...waiting to get a date to get my precious little boys home is hard. I don't think that a moment goes by that I am not thinking about them. I wish so bad I would be on a plane tomorrow to get back to them. We have once again been told that a December court date is very unlikely. I know in my heart that it will probably be January before we can get back to them...but I can always hope that it happens much sooner. I hate the thought of them spending one more Christmas without being home where they belong. However, it is all in God's hands and all in his perfect timing. Knowing that and continuously reminding myself of that is what keeps me sane in this process. This whole process is the Lord's calling and we have done our very best to be obedient and follow him. I have to rely heavily on Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". I know I have said that verse time and time again, but it is what helps us put this all in the Lord's hands and trust in him completely.
Other things that help keep our spirits up is the love and support that we have from our family and friends. I can not express how much this means to us. I know I have said this over and over but we are just so blessed by family and our friends. We were overwelmed with the love and support that we recieved when we got home. Immediately, our family and friends began working on baby shower prepartaions. My mama has been just a shopping for the boys. She has made sure that they have nice warm clothes as we travel home through Russia in the winter...yep it is going to be a little chilly:) My aunt (Shasha) sent us a bag of some of the best children's books ever. She also bought several gloves and hats for us to leave at the orphanage for the other kids there. My dear friend Hannah and her mama Karen came for a visit last weekend. Hannah bought the boys a set of Skippy Jones books (super cute, if you have small children, these books are hysterical) and Mrs. Karen bought the boys a Christmas present (that I am still holding out hope that they get to open this year). Our dear friends Tara and Jonathan (are in the process of adoption from Russia as well) came up last week and bought the boys a fire truck, puzzle and some bath crayons.
We are truly blessed by some great people in our lives. We are so thankful for those that have kept constant contact, given daily words of encouragement, and come to visit. Words cannot describe how grateful we are for the love and support that we have recieved.

A blessed homecoming

It is so good to be home but so hard that they are not with us. We had such a great homecoming. Getting off the plane as I said before we were met by my sister, bro-in-law and nephew, who had the best steak dinner ever waiting on us and the sweetest scrapbook and pics. Then, once we got home from my sisters, I walked into a nice clean house with a "Welcome Home" sign in my kitchen. We had to drop my car off at to be repaired before we left so my daddy had went and picked it up and brought it to our house so we wouldn't have to deal with that when we got home. My fridge was stocked, including a fresh pitcher of sweet tea...thus Benji was beyond thrilled, plus we had snacks on the counter so we wouldn't have to immediately run to the grocery store. Then throughout the evening I found little surprises here and there. My mom obviously thought the pillows on our bed were not fluffy enough so we have new pillows and a new blanket on our bed. All my laundry was washed and folded. Then when I went into the boy's room, they had a new rug, new pajamas, socks, a book and curtain rods. Thank you so much mama and daddy for all that you did while we were gone. It made coming home so much sweeter!!
Later that evening, my grand parents came up to see pictures and have dinner. I can't even begin to explain how blessed that we are with people in our lives. The entire time that we were in Russia, we got so much support from back home. Our family was always there to skype when we needed a taste of home, so many friends sent constant support through emails and facebook. The constant love and support from our family and friends helped more than I can ever say. Being in a foreign country on such an emotional experience is tough. But to know that you have so much love and support back home helps so much.
Then when I got to work today, there were special surprises all in my office:) I have some of the best friends that a girl could ever ask for. A special thank you to Ashley, Renee and Tara! You guys are all such a blessing to me. Your love, support and constant words of encouragement mean the world to me. You are truly the best friends that I could ever ask for. Thank you for being there every step of the way with me.

We are home

Yes we are home...but I feel like I left pieces of my heart in Russia. I didn't have as hard of a time leaving the orpahange on Wednesday as I thought that I would. I think I was so on cloud nine that we had such a good day that I wasn't even thinking about it being the last time that I would see them for a while. When we got on the plane to leave Kras....now that was a different story. Then when we got to Moscow I was okay. Then on the plane leaving Moscow, tit hit me again. I know that this time of waiting is going to be hard but we will get back to them. We just have to lean on the Lord and trust that he is working all things out in his perfect timing.
There is a little issue (well a big issue to be perfectly honest) with the boys biological family. Apparently there is not sufficient evidence that they have done everything that they could to locate their biological family. Well, Tues they located a grandmother. This was almost gut wrenching to us. However we were told that she just had to sign a paper and all would be well. Of course our minds go to the "what if". What if she doesn't sign, what if other family members come forward and want them? We already love them and consider them our sons. I don't know that we could bear it if something happened.
Last night, one of our facilitators called and said that the grandmother has signed. Praise the Lord! This still doesn't put us 100% in the green but in international adoptions, nothing is guarenteed until the judge signs the papers. Thus our drive to get to court as soon as possible is even greater. The sooner we go to court, the less the chance of family coming forward.
We can't wait to get back and see their sweet little faces and to bring them home to be our forever family!
This trip was harder than we ever anticipated. But next time, we will be landing with two of the most precious gifts ever. After a week in a foreign country, extremely exhausted and slap worn out, we were met at the airport by my sister, bro-in-law and nephew. They came to pick us up as they live fairly close to the airport. There was no better return home than to my sweet nephew yelling "Shanny" and running into my arms. They brought us back to their house (where we will stay until tomorrow before we head home) and at midnight....they had steaks, baked potatoes, corn, bread and......SWEET TEA!!! I can't tell yo what a great home coming this was. Benji was beyond thrilled to have "his kind of food"! Thank you Staci and Dwayne. Supper was beyond delicious!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, my sister had hacked into my account where I had pictures from our trip and made the cutest scrapbook of our visits with the boys and had printed and framed two family photos for us. I had no idea she knew how to get into my account (she clearly knows me all too well:) Thank you so much for such a great homecoming!!! We love you guys!

Day 3 with the boys

Today was our last day to see the boys before we head home. It was a pretty rough morning. We worried all night and all day that we would leave here without them even bonding to us a little bit. We had to run to a notary's office to sign our intent to adopt. From there we had to go back to the orpahange director's office to sign a paper so that they can't show our boys to anyone else. It takes them out of the system as a referral. There we met with a lawyer who discussed a situation with our facilitator. It is a situation that I'll get to in a minute. Then we went to see the boys. As we walked in M was already in the room with a care taker. He smiled when we walked in and when I reached out to pick him up he immediately came to me. A few minutes later, D walks in and acknowleges us but goes straight for the toys. Again he is very guarded with us. After a while he gets the beach ball...his favorite and begins kicking to Benji. This time he was smiling and even laughing when he was playing. M was content to sit in my lap and play with toys. After a while he stood in front of me and just rubbed my face. I leaned forward and gave him a smooch and a second later he gave me a smooch back. D's beloved beach ball busted (but it has served us well this week) so he got on a rocking horse with wheels and Benji and I pushed him back and forth to wach other. He smiled more while doing this then I have ever seem him smile. After a while, Benji spends a little one on one time with M, and I go to D. He is such a sad little boy that it breaks my heart. He lets you play with him for just a minute then he wants to be alone. I played with a paino with him for a little bit. At this point I was determined to get him in my arms. I rubbed his little cheek for a minute. As I did this, he had the saddest look in his eyes. It was terrible. I really felt like he is longing for love but I so scared of it at the same time. Then I reached out to pick him up and his bottom lip just quivered, and he took a step backwards. I grabbed him anyways and just held him close. He let me...praise God he let me! I told him over and over that I loved him (and I said it in the best Russian that I could) He let out a deep sigh, and at this point he wasn't tense at all in m arms...he was caving. I held him for another couple minutes. After this one short but sweet moment, he played with us steady for the rest of our visit. He never from this point on went to play by himself....and he laughed, and smiled.....a lot! He let Benji hold him a lot and even leaned into Benji showing a little more trust. Not long before we were to say good-bye, we have them the teddy bears that my mama bought. (She went to Build-a-Bear and made D a dog and M a bear. Then she got voice recorders for each one). Benji and I recorded our voices in the dog and bear saying "daddy loves you" and "mama loves you". They loved the bears....especially D. He toted it all around with him and he was constantly pressing the button to make it speak. At the very end, we all four sat together on the couch while our facilitator made a few last pictures of all of us. D sat very contently in Benji's lap...which would not have happend yesterday, and M sat contently in my lap. When it was time to go, D let us hug him a told us good-bye with a smile...not a cold blank stare and wave. Benji had M when the came to get him and M pitched a tantrum when they went to take him. The care taker had to take him out of Benji's arms as he was not wanting to go. Part of this made us feel terrible but then again it felt so good that he wanted to stay. I can now leave a little more in peace than I could have yesterday. It's not at all easy to say good by, but there is a greater sense of comfort saying good-bye when you made a connection.

Day 2 with the boys

Today was a good bit tougher than yesterday. I think we just had in our minds that when we got there that the boys would immediately warm right back up to us. D came in first and went straight for the toys. He would let us sit next to him and play but he was not wanting to engage with us at all. It's tough because you want to give him his space and allow him to warm up to you on his terms but we have 2 hours a day for 3 days...we just don't want to waste one moment with him. A few minutes later M came in and was a little more engaging with us than D was but nothing like yesterday. After a good while, Benji was able to get D engaged in tossing a beach ball. He loves to throw and catch. He actually catches pretty good. Then he went to kicking the ball to Benji and let me tell ya, the boy can kick. We got laughs and smiles when he was playing ball, but the laughs and smiles are usually short lived. It almost seems that once he realizes that he is having fun, he catches himself and stops immediately. M played with us pretty good but was a little fussy. He would get tired of stuff very quickly and begin to whine.
I traced their feet so that we can get the correct size shoe. D loved this and wanted me to trace his feet over and over again. But once again as soon as he realized he was relaxed he cut it off and would go off and play by himself. It was just tough that he was so distant today. I do feel if we could just communicate with him a little better that it would have been a little easier.
They soon came and got D as it was his lunch time. The caretaker I am assuming told him to tell us good-bye and he walked up to me. I picked him up and just hugged on him for a minute. He let me and he halfway put his head on my shoulder for a split second. Then he went to Benji and allowed him to pick him up but was very distant to Benji. This was so hard for Benji. I think Benji is kinda taking it somewhat personally.
This left us with a few minutes alone with M. During this time M was a little more active with us. I was able to get some good camera recordings of him copying Benji making funny noises, waking at the camera then I even got him blow kisses to the camera. Then they came to get him. He ran and hugged his care taker which is a good thing in the adoption world as it shows he has developed a bond. He waved good-bye to us but wouldn't give us a hug as he did yesterday. It was kind of a tough day. Yesterday was so great and we had expectations of the same today. That is not to say that today was bad, just not as easy to connect with them as it was yesterday.
I don't know that we can ever describe just how emotionally draining this is. You are fighting major jet lag, in complete culture shock, then a flood of emotions that you were not expecting with the children you are just praying are to become yours. To say that we are flat exhausted is an understatement. Tomorrow is the last day that we get to see the boys until we can come back for court. The way that they were talking today, it would be January or possibly even Feburary. At this point we just have to lay it in God's hands. It is all out of our control at this time...but 100% in his control.
We have been blessed to meet another American couple that here on their first trip. We both met our children the same day. We feel so fortunate to have met them as the are a great Christian couple that has been great support to us. We have been going to dinner every night. There is a great amount of comfort in having someone else here that speaks English. We feel a little more comfortable exploring and venturing out when we are with them. There is a better sense of security with walking around with them. Up to this point the weather has not been too bad. We have jackets but we have rarely worn them. Benji and I ventured out to the market early today. It was an experience. The only thing recognizable was Coca-cola and you better believe we bought some. It is the best thing that we have had thus far.
This evening, as we went out to dinner, it was very cold. Then it began to snow! It wasn't a snow that would stick, just flurries in the air...but snow no the less.
We get to go back to see the boys one last time tomorrow afternoon. We are just hoping and praying that they warm up to us like they did the first day that we met them.

Meeting our boys

God has poured out his blessings on us once again. We went to the orphanage and we had to meet with the doctor at first. They took us into a nice sized playroom and the doctor was going over their medicals. In the middle of the meeting with the doc, the door opens and in walks two of the most precious little boys ever! I wanted so bad to run over and scoop them up but that would have been so rude as the doc was in the middle of talking and we do not want to offend anyone here. The boys went over and began pulling out toys and playing. All the while the doctor was talking and I heared not a word she said. Then they told us we could go meet our boys. At first they were slightly leary of us. Soon enough N let Benji begin to play with him and D warmed up to me a little. I kept trying to talk to N and everytime that I did he would poke his bottom lip out at me and just glare at me. He let Benji keep playing with him and D was letting me play with him pretty good. Eventually I pulled out a talking book that my BFF gave me for the boys and that got them both in m lap....heaven!! Finally N was warming up to me. So enough we were switching off playing with each of them and at one point N let me rub noses with him. Then he grabbed my face and brought his nose to mine to keep doing it. After several "eskimo kisses" he was finally oka with me. Benji and D got a good game of catch going and D was laughing and enjoying it. Then in walks a caretaker. She walked over to N and said something in Russian at which point he flung himself backwards and whined. She said something to D and he hopped up grabbed N's hand and out they walked together. Our translator told us it was time for them to go potty and N didn't want to leave us to go. We could here them in the hall and we heard a little boy say "mama and papa". When they came back in, we continued to play. Our translator told us that D when they had gone potty D told the others that his mama and papa had come to see him and bought him a new shirt and new pants...which we hadn't but I still thought was pretty cute.
Not long after they returned. The care taker walked back in and said somthing and the boys hopped up and began cleaning up. (I am going to need to learn what she said:) Then we had to say our goodbyes for the day. As the boys were leaving, N turned around as we waved and said "paca-pace" (good-bye in Russian)...he came running back and held his hands up to me. As I picked him up he put his little arms around my neck. I could have lived in that moment forever. Then he went to Benji and did the same. D came back and with a little more hesitation allowed us to hug him but wasn't quite as quick to hug back. He is older so we were prepared for him to not warm up quite so fast. We were just thankful that he did let us play with him and he did let us hug him. The ride back to the hotel was a pretty quite one as we hated to leave so bad. Two hours is such a small window of time. I am so ready to get back to them in the morning!
Our translator told us that they did warm up to us very well and that it doesn't always go that smoothly. They have told us that the chances of us getting them home for Christmas is not very likely. I wanted to look at them and say "With the God I serve...all things are possible". I refrained, but I sure was thinking it. We know that it will be a long stretch...but the have them home for Christmas would be a definate miracle from God, and lucky for us...our God provides miracles!

Our first morning in Russia

It was our intent to take a quick nap yesterday then stay up the rest of the day and sleep at night. Well, that nap turned into a good 12 hours of deep sleep..thus we woke up at 12 am. This means...we had no food. We tried to go back to sleep and snoozed on and off until 5 am. So, we have had nothing to eat other than a pack of peanut butter crackers each and we had one bottle of water to share. Luckily we have been able to skype with family all morning as it helps us not miss home so bad and keeps us from getting stir crazy.
Benji was been a little nervous this morning. He just laid around in the bed and was just not himself. I asked him if he was worried about the meeting with the Ministry of Education that we have in just a bit. He said no. I asked him if he was worried about meeting the boys in a few hours and he said no. He says he is really worried about getting on the next flight as there is no English spoken nor english signs in that airport.
Finally we got up and went to the hotel breakfast...which is free...praise the Lord. It was quite different. They had mashed potatoes, kidney beans, something that looked like sandwich meat and cheese, boiled sausage and several other things. I pretty much played it safe and ate mashed potatoes, some sliced cheese and a pastry. I did get a little bold and tried a thing that was labeled in english "steamed chicken" and it looked kinda like a meatball. Then I tried some kind of curd pancake. Both were pretty good. Benji played it super safe and stuck with a fruit cup and toast. The drinks they had were tomato juice, currant juice, milk ( and some of it was pretty thick looking...kinda like yogurt) and coffee.
After we ate we went to the ironing room to iron our clothes for the MOE appointment. Then we found the water coolers. So we loaded some cups of water and refilled our water bottles that we had left over from the airport (they advise you don't drink the water here). Other than the glass of juice at breakfast this was the first time we have been able to drink in about 24 hours. After 4 glasses of water and a power bar, Benji has now perked up and back to his normal self. He just said that he feels so much better. Praise God! I was getting worried about him for a little bit there. Poor fella was just hungry and in need of water. Now that we know where the water coolers are we will definately stay better hydrated.
We are just about to head to our MOE apoointment then on to meet our boys for the first time!!! I am so ready for this. We are just praying that they warm up to us quickly. We know that we are doing what God has called us to do and he has been with us every step of this journey. We know that he will be with us through this meetin and visit with the boys. We have been praying since we first saw their pictures that the Lord will begin to prepare their hearts for us.

We are here!

After I'm not even sure how many hours of traveling, we are finally here...closer to our boys than ever and a little over 24 hours from finally meeting them. There was so much to do to prepare for this trip. I was trying to avoid taking any time off of work so the weeks prior to this trip we were swamped to say the least. The trip to the airport I was doing mental lists to make sure I didn't forget anything. Then we get to the airport (my sister and nephew dropped us off...thanks Staci and Nathan.) Then as we were headed off he asked for one more hug. It in that moment hit me....I can't travel halfway across the world...I get homesick! I had terrible homesick issues as a child. I was highly attached to my family. I that moment, I realized....I am still highly attached to my family. Not a day goes by that I don't see or talk to my parents. I can't go a week without talking to them. The nerves had kicked in full force at this point:)
The first leg of our trip was a 10 hour plane ride, which I wans't overly thrilled with. I am not a nervous flyer...but I do like my comfort. As we sat in our seats we had a moment of prayer. The entire take-off I just prayed that the Lord get our plane to Moscow safely, that he keep his hands around the airliner and get us there safely. And so he did. Do let me add that the total trip had a few different legs and each one we had to depend on others to get us to our destinations safely. When we made it to get our luggage and through customs without a single problem. It was honestly a piece of cake. Then our driver met us exactly where he was supposed to holding a sign that beared our last name. He "M", was wonderful! He was such a nice guy and made us feel so comfortable he rode us around the city of Moscow...which is HUGE! We rode by the Kremlin, Red Square and St. Basil's Cathedral. We didn't stop as we have a whole day there at the end of the week. "M" took us to the next airport, walked us in and and showed us all he could show us. At this point we had 10 hours until our next flight. This part was not one of the highlights thus far, but we they had some comfy chairs and we didn't get a whole lot of sleep on the first flight so we snoozed (if you can call sleeping in an upright chair amonst hundreds of people chatting in a laguage that you don't even slightly comprehend). It really wasn't bad at all, just long. If I had it to do all over again we may have gotten a day hotel to rest at. Then, last night we caught our second flight which brought us to our region. That flight was 5 hours and at this point we had driven 3 hours to the airport, flown for 10 hours, hung out in the airport for another 10 hours and we had just has a couple hours of sleep. The flight was not bad, it was just very hot and very packed. Beyond that it was just fine. As we were landing, it was very dark and you could see the lights of the city. In that moment it hit me...our boys were right below us. It was an overwelming feeling of excitement. We have prayed for them for years and now we are closer to them than ever before.
We landed in our region and we were to have another driver meet us there. Well there was no sign bearing our last name....and people in our region do not speak English at all...nor could we find a phone. We really didn't wait long at all before our facilitator found us. We were so relieved as we were gettting a little nervous. Or flight was a little early thus they seemed late when they were really right on time. They brought us straight to our hotel. Then the Lord blessed me once again...we have free Wifi!!! We didn't expect this. My sister sent me with her laptop as it has a camera so that now...we can skype and see each other. We talked to Benji's mama and my mama and daddy. It makes me feel a gazillion times better to know that I can still see them and talk to them every day. We don't have a cell phone here and were fully expecting to only communicate via email....but the Lord knew my desperate need to see and talk to my family:)
Our facilitator "Y" gave us our itenerary for tomorrow (we have the day free today). We have our appointment with the Ministry of Education in the morning then we get to go see the boys!!!
I can not even begin to tell you how awesome God's mercy has been on us this far. He has made this trip far smoother than I ever expected. He as held us in his hands and gotten us here safely with added bonuses along the way. I just can't get over how awesome that God is, and I have no idea how I deserve all the blessings he has given to us!
So for now, we are going to try to nap a little bit then go on a search for food as the only things that I recognize on our hotel menu is boiled veal tongue. This should be interesting:)

We are heading out to meet our boys! The feeling is quite difficult to describe. We have prayed for these children for years and to finally be heading to see them is beyond exciting. It is almost surreal.
I must say that I am beyond humbled by the amount of love and support that we have recieved from others. Benji had two of the guys that he works with follow him out yesterday and ask to pray with him. There in the parking lot at work, they held hands and prayed for this adoption. We have been stopped around town numerous times this week for people to tell us that they are praying for us. I am so overwelmed with the support that others have given here lately.
My mom bought Build-a-Bears for the boys and we will record our voices and put in them so that they can hear our voices once we are gone. I just want to send out a huge thank you to my parents for all that you have done to help us prepare for this trip. My daddy has made all travel arrangements, made double copies of our plane tickets and of our passports and visas. Mama has made sure the boys have gifts from home, as well as made sure that we are prepared for the cold region that we are headed to. I love y'all and will never be able to thank you enough for everything that you do for us!!
My dear BFF came by and brought me a hand made book of different adoption quotes and poems. I was going to save it for the plane ride, but me and my impatient self couldn't wait. It was so sweet. It will go to Russia with me. Thank you BFF...you are the best!!!
We are hoping and praying that we will be able to update the blog each day. Goodbye for now, hopefully next blog post will be from halfway across the world but so much closer to our boys:)

Yardsale # 3

We had another yard sale this weekend to help with the adoption funding. The first two yardsales, we had so many donations that we have boxed everything up and had this yardsale out of everything that we had left over from the previous two. The night before I prayed for an exact dollar amount and let me tell you....we made the EXACT dollar amount that I had prayed for!
My daddy and mama were there every step of the way once again. From getting everything set out, to getting signs made and put out, to cleaning up. My daddy made BBQ and hash to sell...which proved to be a quite good money maker. So thank you daddy!! My parents have put so much elbow grease into our adoption and every fundraiser that we have had. We are so blessed to have you guys for parents and the boys will be blessed with the best grandparents this world had to offer!

We were also blessed with some amazing friends that came out to help. Renee, who is really more of family to me than a friend, worked so hard and stayed right with us on this yardsale. You are so special to us Renee and we love you dearly!! (and yes I just said your name twice...but you do so much for us that there is no way that I am not giving you a shout out for all that you do).

We also want to thank Joe and Mary for coming out and helping so much. They are yard sale masters and they worked so hard to get things set up. Then they were back the next morning to help sale. We are so blessed by friends like you. You guys touched are heart and we are so greatful for all of your help.

At church yesterday, Pastor Addison called us to the front for prayer. He couldn't have prayed a more perfect prayer for the journey we are about to go on. We were so touched and so thankful for such a great pastor and his family.

One of Benji's brothers called last night to check in and see how things went. He is heading to a prayer conference this week and wanted to let Benji know that the day we leave he is getting all the men to stop and pray for us.

We are so blessed by all the people that have sent up prayers on our behalf and that have been by our side through this journey. We are blessed with amazing friends and family. We are ever so grateful for those who are there with us every step of the way, who we never have to ask a thing from, but are just there. Even those who I know couldn't be there and I would never expect to be there, were still emailing and texting us to let us know that you were thinking and praying for us. I must say that I am one blessed gal! I have some of the best friends in this world. Without the support of our families and our very dear friends...we would have never made it this far. We would not be headed halfway across the world to meet what we are praying is the sons that God has for us, if it weren't for the constant love and support that God has sent us through our family and friends.

Catching up

I am a few days behind on posting. So I have to do a little catching up.

First, my mother-in-law made new bedding to match bedding that we purchased a while back. It is soooo cute! I love it! I am blessed to have a mother-in-law with such talent. I do apologize for not having a picture right this second but I keep forgetting to grab my camera. I can't wait to post the pics and show off her mad sewing skills!

Second, we are having another yard sale this weekend to help fund our adoption. I have said from day one that the Lord will provide. Let me also say...the Lord has always provided! Any time that we have had to pay for something...the money has always been there. This first trip is going to deplete the stash and the next trip is the big one financially. Thus are trying to churn profits anywhere we can right now. We are also in the process making t-shirts to sell so stay tuned.

I leave you with a game. The game is entitled "Guess my mama's occupation?"

The below picture is a hint....

If you guess drug pusher...you are wrong, however the picture may suggest otherwise. She brought over a "kit" last night for our trip. The only thing we don't have in this kit is the cure for cancer:) We have guaze, bandaides, anti-itch cream, hydorcortizone, aloe, cotton balls, q-tips, tape, eye drops, sinus blaster, Tylenol,Tylenol PM, aspirin, ibprofin, rolaids, night time cold meds, day time cold meds, night time sinus meds, day time sinus meds, pepcid, cough drops, immodium, hand wipes, hand sanitizer, kleenex, medicated lip balm, heat packs and anti-embolism socks.

The nurse in my mama just came out! As much as I have laughed at this, I am going to be one thankful person if I need any of it. Thank you mama for ALWAYS looking out for us.

Getting ready!

Our flights are booked (thank you daddy for acting as our travel agent:), visas are in the mail, and paper work is well under way. Just a little bit longer and we will be Russia bound!!
This past weekend we began to work on the boy's room. My mama and dear friend Renee came to help us paint Friday night. Our beautiful neice Kristie came up Saturday to help us out in the boys's room as well. Then when I got home from work Saturday night I found intruders in my house. My mama and daddy had snuck over and were finishing up painting and putting the furniture in. Also the "adoption fairy" came and brought the boys a new dresser and hutch. I have the best parents in the whole entire world. They worked so hard this weekend to help us get the nursery ready. I love you guys so much and our boys are going to be so blessed with the best grandparents this world has to offer!
We still have a little while before we can bring the boys home but we have to take papers to submit to the court when we go in a few weeks for trip one. Now we have pictures of a cute little boy's room rather than a "guest bedroom". I'll post pictures soon when it is all done.

We have travel dates!

We recieved our travel dates yesterday. How exciting, right? It is super exciting, yet very overwhelming. There is so much to do in the next few weeks before we go. There is so much to do before you go to a foreign country, so much paperwork to do for an adoption, so many things to prepare around the house for bringing two little boys home...all this together makes for one stressed out Shanon. Ha! There are moments where I think to myself "I can't do this. How am I going to get it all done and together with any sanity left to be decent mother?" Then I think....the Lord has carried us this far. He has helped us over every hurdle and held our hands through each aspect of this adoption..who in the heck am I to question him now?
I can't tell you how excited that I am that we fianlly get to meet what we are already calling "our boys". I am so ready to see their little faces. I am beyond ready to get them home but I do have to be a little more patient. We get to meet them in a few weeks but it will be a few months before we can bring them home.

Thank you Aunt Renee!!!

Isn't it super cute?? Renee you are the best and I love you!! Thank you for you constant love and support. Your strength and your grace is such an inspiration to me. I can't tell you have much I have learn from you. You are such a great example of God's power and endless love. I am a blessed person not only to be able to work with you every day but to be able to call you my friend...or my sister from another mister:)

Mind Boggled

It is very hard to descibe all the emotions that I am feeling right now. I am beyond excited. I can't wait to get to Russia and see their little faces. My brain is going ninety miles a minute. There is so much to do. I hope to start working on their room this weekend. I did get to do a little shopping and get them a few clothes last week. On top of preparing for these two precious little boys....we have a mound of paperwork to get done. The sooner we get the paperwork done, the sooner we can petition for a court date and get them home. Thus we feel a huge sense of urgency. The only problem is, is that a lot of the paperwork is at the mercy of others...who do not share the same sense of urgency. As I looked at the list of requirements, I thought to myself "how in the world am I going to get this done?" I just wasn't prepared for al that is left to do. I read things over and over yet they didn't seem to compute in my brain. I am just going to take one things at a time and we will get it done. Our paperwork says "be prepared to meditate on Romans 5:3...Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance." Thus..this is just what we will have to do.

Referral and acceptance

We recieved a call from Johnna a week ago today. She told us to get to our email for some exciting news. I dropped what I was doing and went straight to the office to check my email. There it was...two of the sweetest faces ever! I was looking at two little boys that could possibly be our sons. We have spent several days in prayer, even though from the minute I saw their faces I was quite confident that they were ours. Today we called and made it official. We accpeted these two precious angels and hopefully they will be ours in just a few months.

More things that make me smile

For lack of news on the adoption front, I will continue with the things that make me happy, or have made me smile. Yes...I can be lame, but it really doesn't take much to make me happy.

1) a half of a day off with the hubby. It never fails, when we finally get a day off together, something always seems to come up. I can't tell you the last time that we have had a little time off at the same time. Yesterday it just so happened that Benji had the day off and I only had to work half a day. We decided to head out and have a lunch date. It was so nice to have finally be able to spend a little time together.

2) As part of out date yesterday, Benji took me to our favorite icecream shop. It is a cute little nostalgic place and we both got our favorite icecream....

BUBBLE GUM!!! I knew Benji was the man for me when I found out his favorite icecream is bubble gum.

2) During our date day. We went to an antique mall to rummage around. I found myself wandering around and I had lost the hubby...go figure! He snuck away from me to buy me a little treat, and it only cost him .50 cents.......

This my friends was a good day! A date with the hubby, bubblegum icecream, and a New Kids on the Block book, complete with several pictures of my beloveds:)

Trying to be an optimist

This is not to say that we are not beyond discouraged right now. We recieved word of a referral on June 22. If you do the math that is 7 weeks ago. Supposedly we were just waiting on the "official" word. Well, here we are 7 weeks later and still nothing. No word about how much longer nor what in the dickens is taking so blooming long. The thought that our littles ones are in an orpahange and there is not one single thing that we can do to get to them any faster if the utter most frustrating and draining thing that I have ever experienced. I think if I allowed myself to harp on this I would be a total metal case right now. The only option that we have at this moment is to give it to God and trust that he is working things out for a greater cause. It is my personal mission to find "daily happys". So in a desperate attempt to focus on the things that make me smile, here are a few of my things that have made me smile today...just don't judge me:)

1) My dogs...who are the sweetest, snuggliest dogs ever. One of these dogs is like an added appendage to me. I can't do anything without her. Whether I am washing dishes, blow drying my hair or in the bed...she is attached to me 24/7. When I am home she is NEVER more than 3 ft from me.

2) My sequined zebra striped shoes. Ummm...sequins, zebra stripes and SHOES! Three of my favorite things all rolled into one item...this definately makes me smile:):):)

3) Multicolored staples...this way I never know when a new color is going to come out. It makes for a nice little surprise during the day! Don't laugh...I get my smiles wherever I can:)

Benji's 3 Rules

Benji has laid down the law! HA! I was cooking supper the other night and in walks my dear hubby. He looks at me and says "I've been thinking..." This immediately perks my interested because he really typically doesn't have a whole lot to say about anything but when he does...you best listen. Come to find out, in his "thinking" he has come up with 3 rules that he says he is going to enforce when we have children. Now do let me say for the record his exact statement was this: "I have been thinking. I have 3 rules that I am going to demand in this house. Everything else is pretty much up to you and what ever you think I'll go with". I have a feeling that his last sentence will come back to haunt him one day:)

So here goes his three rules:

1) Our children will not be allowed to enter the kitchen shirtless. (this is a rule his grandpa enforced with him and he to this day will NOT even so much as walk into the kitchen without a shirt on). Also to go along with this rule he added, hats are not to be worn indoors.

2) One night a week will be family night. As long as our kids are under our roof they will participate in family night.

3) We will do Sunday lunches at home. No eating out for Sunday lunch.

There ya have it...Benji's 3 rules to child rearing! I 100% agree with each one but I have to laugh that out of all the things he wants to enforce, those are the ones that he picks. This, I must say is classic Benji...and I do love that man. However, I think it is quite obvious at this point who will be the disciplinarian and who will not.

The Mockingbird family

Yesterday, as I was headed to work, I noticed something in my driveway. I wasn't paying much attention to it and thinking it was a piece of trash or something, I almost ran smack over it. Then I noticed it was a baby bird. At first I thought it was dead but quickly realized it was very much alive. I sat there for a few minutes wondering if I should pick it up or leave it alone. I truly didn't know what to do with it so I called my bird loving next door neighbor, aka...my mama! She quickly came over determined it was a baby mockingbird. Soon enough a mama mockingbird was looming overhead. My mama felt we should leave it alone and see if the mama mockingbird could get it going. I was headed to work so she said she'd check on it in a little bit, as we knew it wouldn't make it too long on the hot pavement (we are having triple digit weather here in the south I tell ya!). I sat in my car and just waited. I hated to just leave the baby bird and I wanted to make sure that the mama was going to come back for it. Sure enough, in a matter of minutes the mama bird brought her baby a nice juicy worm. The whole time the mama bird was hyper aware of her surroundings, she was constantly looking and watching for danger. She sat there with the baby for a while yet nothing happened. This mama bird flew into the trees but she never a once let her baby out of her sight. I headed on to work hoping the mama could get her baby to flyin'.

Later I talked to my mama who had went back to check on BB (baby bird), she was worried about the hot pavement so she put BB in a shoe box and moved it into the shade. She gave BB some drops of water and BB hopped out of the box and into the bushes. Still MB (mama bird) was looking on.

Later in the evening, we went to make sure BB was ok and we couldn't find it anywhere. However, it was out there because now there was 2 mocking birds standing guard. They were squalking like crazy. Soon enough we realized that mama mocking bird AND daddy mocking bird were guarding BB. These birds never a once left their baby and that mama bird worked her tail feathers off all day long to constantly feed and protect her baby.

We finally found the baby and my mama put it is a strainer and put it in a tree to keep it a little safer. Mama and daddy mockingbird were there the whole time watching on. As soon as we stepped away from the baby, MB was in the strainer with here baby.

So I give you that long story just to say this...parents today need to be more like mocking birds. I see parents all over in public that are barely watching their children. This mama mockingbird NEVER let her baby out of her sight. She was super hyper aware of her surroundings making sure her baby was not in any danger. We live in a world today, plagued by some very scary people. People that will snatch your child up in a skinny minute. Mother's need to be constantly be aware of their surroundings and protect their children at all times. (I say this in light of seeing 2 amber alerts since Monday). Mama's need to fight like the mama mockingbird did to keep their children safe and nurtured. Also, daddys need to be there like the daddy mockingbird. He was right with the mama helping protect his baby. Parenting is a joint effort!

So that is my life lesson from the mocking bird family. The whole thing became such a lesson to me. The mockingbirds should be a model for all parents out there.

I am happy ( hopefully) to report that as of this morning the mockingbird family is gone. We are hoping that means they made it safely back to their home.

A day in the life of Benji and Shanon

In order to not show my increasing frustration with the lack of any feedback/ info on a possible referral, I decided to lighten it up a little. Yes I know that this has nothing to do with the adoption process but at least we are trying to keep our wits about us:)

Benji works about 45 minutes from home. Me, being the worrier that I am, ask that he calls me every morning to let me know he has arrived at work safely. He being the great guy that he is, willingly complies. This morning...he forgot to call. Thus when I see that it was 15 mins after time for him to be at work and I had not heard from him, I began to worry. When I finally got in touch with him, I was, hmmmm.....let's just say not as nice as I should have been. HA! So when I get to work this morning this is what I had in my email:

Hubby: Dear The Love of My Life,

I would like to take this opportunity to formally apologize for not calling you this morning when I arrived at work. I have no excuse for forgetting all I can do at this point is ask for your forgiveness.

Love
Benji
(for anyone that knows Benji knows that he is completely being a wise guy)
Me: Dear my not worth a cuss husband,

I am not quite ready to lend you my forgiveness. You have to understand that your forgetting to call not only deprives me of my last little bit of good sleep, and not only does it cause me to panic, it hurts me deeply and emotionally. It can be perceived as a personal attack as if you are saying to me, “You are so forgettable” or perhaps “You are not worth 2 minutes of my morning”.

Love,
your still sulking and trying to overcome the deep trauma that you so caused me this morning, wife

Hubby: OK you win

Me: Your admitting defeat still doesn’t seem to ease the pain.

Maybe a nice home cooked meal prepared my none other than my not worth a cuss husband, on the table when I get home from work, as well as the dishes clean after the food consumption, will help relieve some of my suffering. I know that a completed load of laundry will help do the trick also.

Hubby: What if I bake some of your cakes can we call it even (bear in mind that he has more time off this week than I do and I have way over over extended myself with cake orders this week, and cake money goes into our adoption account so I had asked him earlier if he would do a lot of my baking this week. And note that he is always there to help me bake when I get myself in these binds...it's a common occurence in our home:)

Me: That job was previously requested prior to your infraction. Thus it does not count.

Hubby: OK here is my final offer I will arrange supper for the evening and give you the glory to remain my wife for the rest of your life.

Me: I’d rather be water boarded in a Mexican prison!


You may have to understand our sense of humor to find this humorous.

Patience

Patience is not one of my virtues. However, the Lord is most definately teaching me patience....like it or not, he is forcing me to be patient. We recieved a little "tid-bit" of information over 3 weeks ago. I have not mentioned it on here because we really don't much and it may not even pan out to be anything. We expected to hear more from our agency within a week, but we have still heard nothing. I am trying with all my might to be patient and just continue wait. It is beyond frustrating to know that our children are out there and there is not one thing we can do to get them home sooner. Today marks two years since we recieved our approval from our agency. It has been a long and tiresome two years. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't undo these past two years for anything. I have grown so much in these two year in my spiritual life as well as in my marriage. I have, and am still learning to be patient and wait on the Lord.

Galations 6:9

I must make a confession to begin with. This past weekend was very busy and hectic. Saturday night rolled around and I was so exhausted that I decided that I'd get up early Sunday morning to plan my children's church lesson (which I never do)because I was just running on fumes at this point. Well, anyone who knows me should know that I have trouble getting up early (my friend Hannah can attest to this as she and her family came for a visit and had to come into my room to cut my alarm off because I was sleeping clear through it. Sorry Hannah, Jason, Mollie and Miles:) Thus I say that to let you know that I seriously overslept Sunday morning. So I am running out the door with nothing planned for the kiddos at church. I just grabbed a children's devotional that I have once I got there I just decided to go on what ever page I opened the book to. Again, I never do this...and I am mortified to admit that I did this on this past Sunday. Please rest assured that I do take more care and consideration normally when planning a lesson for our children's church program. So please Pastor, don't fire me:) However, the lesson was on not quitting. The bible verse that it was based on was Galations 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." I was very struck by this as the past week was very difficult for us in our adoption. There have been many times that I get frazzled and just want to throw in the towel (and unless you have been down the road of adoption, I'd imagine this is difficult to understand). I almost think that the Lord needed me to get that scripture more than the kids in church.

I never imagined that this would be so tough

We did recieve an unofficial referral Friday. We we very excited at first, however, we began to have a nagging feeling that it just wasn't right. We had until this morning to either accept and see if we could move forward or to decline. We spend the entire weekend in prayer and seeking the Lord's guidance. We spoke to an international adoption specialist, and a pediatrician here. Neither gave us anything over concerning medical wise. Family and friends were all in support and very excited. Still something was just nagging us that this isn't what the Lord is calling us to do. In this situation, we have been in this process for so long it seems and we are beyond ready for something to happen. Emotions are at an all time high. However, we have to make sure that we are not making this decision on what we want because we are growing impatient. We have to make sure that we are still focusing on the Lord and his will...not just our own desires. We had, as of yesterday, pretty much decided to pursue these children regardless of any of our concerns. Even though our minds were there, our hearts just weren't feeling that it is what we were supposed to do. Last night, we were finally able to look at each other and both say that we just had this gut feeling that this is not the path we are supposed to take. As horrible as it may sound, there was an overwhelming sense of peace once we came to that realization, whereas there was no sense of peace when we were of the thought we were going to do this.
At the end of my life, I want nothing more than to hear the words "Well done my good and faithful servant"....I do not want to hear, "You did try to follow me but you still did the things that you wanted to do without hearing me first". It is our prayer that the next referral that we get (and hopefully it will be soon), we will see the pictures and the Lord speaks to us so strongly in knowing that baby/babies are ours. So for now, we continue to wait and seek the Lord.

Father's Day

So Father's Day is fast approaching. Again, I am a few days early but this is the only day that I have to where I can get to a computer before Father's Day. I have a few Father's Day thank you's to give.

To my daddy:

Thank you for being the best daddy that a girl could ask for. You have taught me so much about life and you have pushed me to be the very best person that I can be. One of the biggest gifts that you have given me is your love for your family. You love times when we are all together and you make those moments as often as you can.


Thank you so much for enforcing a good work ethic and independence on us. You have always lived by the saying "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a lifetime." You have taught me to "fish" very well. Thank you for always requiring me to work. You never a once let any of us sit back and have a "free ride" so to speak. Thus, you have 3 hard working kids today don't go looking for hand outs, but rather try to hand out to others. Thank you for teaching us to not be burdens on others or to wait on others to do for us. (This all may not make much sense to some but I feel sure that my daddy will know exactly what I am getting at here.)


You raised us all to be financially independent. You have taught me so much about financial security. Now there are some lessons that I will not carry out, I can assure you I will NEVER put water in the ketchup bottle to stretch it, HA! You are extremely financially wise and I hope that I will carry that wisdom with me for the rest of my life.



You have always taught us to work hard and give everything that we do 100%. I am blessed to have parents who have taught me so much about life and how to work. Y'all taught me to cook and clean, you made sure that we knew how to grow our own garden, can our own produce, we can make our own jellies, get up cows, fix fences, and heck...I can even bush hog a field on my own (even though you fight me over who gets to use the tractor. HA!).


Thank you for always being there for us. No matter what we are doing in life, you are always right there pitching in, in any way that you can. You are there with me in everything I do for Kid's Camp, you are right with us when we do catering jobs, you keep our adoption account and the finances there, you have even helped me pipe buttercream roses once when I had so many to do. Thank you for being such a great daddy...there is not a better one out there. I love ya!

What a sweet moment

We had Kid's Camp at our church earlier this week. It is a long yet very rewarding couple of days. The last night I was doing the closing and thanking everyone for all their hard work and help with helping make our Kid's Camp so awesome. At the end, Pastor Addison asked Benji and I to come to the front and he wanted to take a minute to thank us for all of our hard work. He went on to tell the kids (and the rest of the congregation, which had several people that don't attend our church) about our adoption. He told them that it was taking a good bit longer then we had hoped. Then he asked all the kids to come up front and gather around us and say a prayer for our adoption. Pastor Addison prayed the sweetest prayer over us and we were surrounded by all the children from Kid's Camp, many of them with their arms around us. It was such a sweet moment for Benji and I. It was a very touching moment for us and it was the perfect ending for such a good week at camp.

My apologies to the world

I have the best BFF in the world...so sorry world, you may think that your BFF is the best one out there, but she's not because I have the best:)
I got home Friday to a package by my back door. In it were the cutest monogrammed zebra striped burp cloths (she knows me quite well), with a sweet note from my dear BFF that said "Now you will be one chic mama!" This is not the first of little "packages of sunshine" (in her words) that she has sent for out little one. My BFF has been one of the most amazing supporters of our adoption ever! She has been there with me every step of the way physically, emotionally and spiritually. She is just the best and I love her so very much! Thank you so much Ashley for your constant support, you will never know how much it means to me.

The Lord is so good!

A while back I had mentioned a grant that Benji and I applied for. Well....they called today and they are giving us a grant!! We are just beyond thrilled! I don't think that they would mind me saying this here, but Reaching Hands is amazing. They have such a heart for adoption and they are and have been a major blessing in our lives. Thank you Lord for the Reaching Hands Ministry! They are a wonderful group with such wonderful hearts.

We are going to have to wait a little longer

We were told in January that we should be getting a referral around May/June. Now that May is finally here, we have been so excited. I sent Johnna an email Friday just to see if the wait time is still the same. I didn't quite get the response that I was hoping for. She informed us that we would still have a minimum of 3-4 more months. All I could think was "Are you kidding me?" I feel like we have already waited for an eternity. I know that 3-4 months is really not that long, but to me it feels like forever. I was so bummed. For once I was angry...truly angry. So I went home, and I just asked the Lord to give me one night to just be mad. I asked him to forgive my attitude, but I truly needed to just be mad. I try very hard to stay positive, but this day...I just needed to be angry. I did ask the Lord to help me wake up Saturday morning with a better attitude and to continue to push forward...with no anger. Sure enough, Saturday morning I woke up and I truly feel so much better. If we have to wait a little longer then we just have to wait longer. I know that the Lord has so many great things in store for us. I just have to sit back and wait on his timing. Saturday afternoon, I just flipped into my Bible to a devotional. It was on waiting on the Lord's timing. Hmmm...reckon the Lord was trying to tell me something? So for now.....we continue to wait.

Paperwork Updates

Anyone who thinks adoption is easy is sadly mistaken. I read somthing the other day that a mother had birthed three of her children and adopted her fourth child. In the article she stated that adoption was much harder than any of her births. I kinda think that statement has to be true. We headed back to Atlanta yesterday for which feels like round 400 of apostilling. I was able to finish almost everything to carry us through until July.
We were told back in January that we should expect a referral sometime in May or June (now with Russia, this is not a definate.) It could be much sooner and it could be much later. So, May is here, and now I feel like a complete slave to my phone. I won't go anywhere with out it. Every time my phone rings I think "Could it be?" This is not fun! Just a few months ago, I was dying to get out of the "paperchase" phase and into the "waiting phase". I truly thought that the waiting phase would be easier than the paper chase. Let me tell ya....not so. I am quite tired of this "waiting" phase. I do hope that the Lord forgives my increasing impatience.

Adoptions still going strong

Just a quick update on the situation in Russia with adoptions to American citizens. We recieved word from our coordinator that the Russian government has officially declined the petition to suspend adoptions to US citizens. Isn't the Lord good? He always works things out, he always takes care of us!

The Mother's in my Life

I know that I am several days early, but with a little time to spare and a super busy weekend coming up I wasn't sure if I'd have a chance to post this in time for Mother's Day. I want to say thank for the Mother's that the Lord has blessed me with: my Mama, my Mema, and gone way too soon... my Grandma Callie.

To my Mama:

Thank you for being one of the greatest gifts that I could ever be blessed with. You are the best mama a girl could ever as for. You are beyond just my mother...you are my best friend. Thanks for always being there for me. You have made me the woman that I am today (you may or may not even want to take credit for that, HA!!). You have taught me that it is far better to give then to recieve. You were and always are putting others ahead of yourself...a trait of a true giver. I hope that I am half as giving as you are. Growing up, you taught me how to cook, clean, do laundry, sew, iron....all the things that women should know. I thank you for teaching me those things when I was little because they do make me a be better person and hopefully a better wife today. I may not have appreciated learning those things when I was little, but I sure do thank you for it now. Thank you for raising me in church and teaching me what it means to be a true Christian. Thank you for raising me in a peaceful home, that was full of love. Thank you Mama for being the best Mama in the world. I love you!!

To my Mema,

Thank you for being such a great Mema and loving me the way that you do. I think you are responsible for my love of shopping! I used to love to go shopping with you. Thank you for always remebering to have ketchup and tomatoes when you serve me hamburgers (even though I did have to suffer that one ketchup and tomato-less burger when I was young, HA!!). Thank you for the fantastic birthday cakes that you used to make...especially the ones with the Barbie in them and the cake was her dress. Thank you for riding rollercoasters with me when I was little, and not making me go to school when I cried. Most of all thank you for being the Christain woman that you are and raising my mama to be the woman that she is today. Thank you for your prayers, I know that no matter what...I always have my Mema praying for me. I love you very much and am blessed to call you my Mema!

To my Grandma Callie (who is not longer with us):

I will definately say that I get my passion for cooking from you. You were an amazing cook, and I hope that I can one day just cook half as good as you! You always showed your love for your family with an enormous meal on the table. I find myself being just like that. You were one of the strongest and most independent women that I have ever known and I do hope that is something that I recieved from you. I did get a little bit (or a big bit, depending on who you ask, HA!) of your stubborn streak. You loved your children and grandchildren with all your heart, family was everything to you. Thank you for raising my daddy who posesses the same love for his family that you did. I find myself being more and more like you the older that you get, I just wish that I had your green thumb. You were a giver, you would do anything thing that you could for others, especially those in need. I miss you like crazy. You were an amazing Grandma and I always knew that you loved me no matter what. I love you Grandma Callie!!

So I just want to wish all the mother's out there a very happy Mother's Day! I also want to thank God for the Mother's that he placed in my life that have made me who I am today.

Still a waitin' and a prayin'

The US and Russian officials are to meet this week (the 29th & 30th to be exact). This meeting was supposed to occur last week but do to the volcanoe in Sweden, officials were not able to fly to Russia. Adoptions have not been suspended as of yet, and we are hoping, praying and trusting that it stays that way. This meeting will hopefully have a permanent resolve and there will be no more worries.
I know that I have said this before, but this waiting stuff is getting so hard. Patience has never been my virtue. I am honestly trying very hard to keep a good attitude and be patient. But let me tell ya, there are some days that I feel like I am going to loose my mind just waiting on the day that my cell phone rings and AWAA comes up on the caller ID. I really do try to not let myself think about it every minute of every day, but the more time passes the harder it is to direct my thoughts anywhere but to the day that we bring our little one home.
As difficult as the waiting has been and is becoming, I must say that I am thankful for it. Do I wish that the waiting weren't this long? Heck yes! However, I do feel that it has only strengthen my walk with God. It has made me have to reoly solely on him and to keep my focus on him and him alone. I feel like my walk with the Lord has become stronger then ever, and that is because this waiting phase (the whole adoption process for that matter), has made me see how great he is and to rely directly on him. For that I will forever be greatful for this "waiting" phase. I know that the Lord has us where we are right now for a reason. Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite verse ever!

Good News!

We just had a conference call with our coordinator, who informed us that the media reports are inacurate. Adoptions have not been suspended. So thanks CNN for causing me to panic, and thanks FOX for being the only one that was reporting correct information. However, the situation is not out of the woods so to speak just yet. But it does appear that this should not be an issue. My faith does waiver at times, and the human nature in me begins to second guess things. The bottom line is that the Lord is ever faithful and he has carried this far. I know that at the end of the day, the Lord has us in his hands and he is going to take care of this! Praise the Lord and all his greatness!!

Is it OK?

Is it ok to be mad as fire?

Is it ok to have the desire to drive to Tennessee to find Torry and Nancy Hansen because I want to look them in the eye and ask them what in the heck they were thinking? Because I want to make sure that they understand the scope of what their bad decisions have done to that poor child as well as those of us who have put everything on the line and worked so hard to get to the point that we are at just to have it possibly snatched away.

Is it ok to want to crawl in a hole and scream...really loud?

Is it ok to have a moment where you just want to throw in the towel and say the heck with this, I have no fight left in me...I'm done!

Is it ok to feel defeated and exhausted and just plain feel crummy?

I am going to answer these questions for myself. Yes! It is ok...but just for a minute. So I have sat here for the past two hours and felt all of the above. Now I am going to put on my big girl panties, seek the Lord with everthing that I have and cast all worries on him.
For the past week, we have recieved numerous calls and messages of encouragement on this situation. Today, we have already recieved so many words of encouragement and people letting us know that we are in their prayers. This means so much to me. It means the world and then some to know that there are that many people out there that care. People that I would have have never expected have offered so much encouragement and it has truly lifted me up today. Thanks so much everyone out there for the support, it is more comforting then you will ever know!

Russian Adoptions are officially suspended...for now

I got up this morning and did my daily check of CNN and there it was..."Russia suspends adoptions". Not at all what I was expecting to see this morning. Not at all what I wanted to see this morning. From best that I understand, this is only a temporary thing, just until the U.S. and Russia can come to an agreement and sign a treaty to monitor the adoptions better. The US Embassy in Moscow has urged adoptive parents to not worry. The State Department is headed to Russia next week to hopefully hash this thing out and come to an agreement. As hard as it is at this moment, I am not going to worry. I will, let me repeat, I WILL keep my eyes on the Lord and work through this with a positive attitude and my faith fully intact. So for now, I just ask for continued prayers not just on our behalf but also on behalf of all the other families that are in our place and even further along then us.

Some positives

I have been in email contact with our coordinator today who informed us that nothing has been stopped yet. The Russian coordinator has spoken with all of the regions that our agency deals with and they are still continuing the adoptions. Does this mean that they won't be cut out tomorrow? No. However, we are going to keep positive and rely solely on the Lord for this. I asked our coordinator if this would slow down referrals and she said as of yet no. She said that the Russian coordinator recieved a batch of referrals today just like he is normally scheduled to do. My first though was "please let us have a little one in that set of referrals". HA! This situation took me back for a bit but then as I have said before, if I get my "panties in a wad" so to speak over it...then I am not putting my faith and trust in the Lord. I keep reminding myself of the verse on this blog homepage: "For I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11" I have a bracelet with this very verse on it that I have been wearing all week to keep me and my faith in check.

Furthermore, want to say that I have the best family and the best friends in the world (in my humble opinion). Our support system is beyond amazing! My parents have always been behind us 100% and are following and praying so hard for this situation to get smoothed over. My aunt and cousinhas been such amazing cheerleaders for us. My aunt sent me a message yesterday to tell me her principal prayed for us over the intercom yesterday and that her school is keeping us in prayer. First off, prayer in school? Praise God for private school! Second, the whole school is praying for us? How awesome and uplifting is that. Hillcrest: You are awesome and we are so thankful to you! Shasha and Erin: You guys are such a blessing to us! My sister sent me a wonderful scripture that was what I needed to hear. Philippians 4:6-7, look it up. It was great. My friends are beyond awesome. They have sent me such positive and uplifting messages , emails and calls that have made me smile. You guys are the best and I love you!
So, for now we are left to keep on praying that adoptions are not stopped and that we can soon get our referral and get our little one's home. One couple with our agency recieved a referral at Christmas and had their court date today. The judge said "Dah"...which is "yes" in Russian. Thank you Lord for thier court success!! Hopefully ours will be not far behind:)

Don't stop praying!

This situation in Russia is a huge mess. I tried to not get overly worried about it. However the more I read and watch the media coverage on it the more... hmmm... uneasy, aggrivated, annoyed, angry, and frustrated (that should cover it) that I get. I not am not going to sit here and attack the woman that started this frenzy. I don't know her and what she was dealing with. I do feel that her choices were serious misjudgements. Her choices have made a massive impact on so many others right now. Her choices have envoked panic in so many of us that are in mid process of Russian adoptions. Let me be a little more frank than that...her choices have led to a situation that has ripped our hearts out for the moment. I know that we personally are finally to a point of just waiting on that glorious phone call anyday. Others were further along than we are and have already held their little ones, they have already given their hearts to them and are just waiting to get them home. I really think that I hurt for those people more than I hurt for myself right now.
I let myself get really frustrated last night. I allowed myelf to go into negativity and get into "poor me" status and question the Lord. I quickly realized that is exactly what the devil would want me to do. So I dried my eyes, and apologized to the man upstairs for my moment of weakness. God did not bring us this far to leave us hanging. He doesn't take you down a road then say "I got you this far, now you are on your own". Not the God I serve! He follows through! He will not leave us hanging....he will carry us and get us through!

A Major Prayer Request

I just recieved an email from our adoption coordinator to inform us of a major situation that is brewing with Russian adoptions. There is a situation with a mother that adopted a young boy from Russia and it seems as though she sent him back. The story has been covered in the media. Well Russia is quite upset over what has transpired and they are threatening to shut down all adoptions from American citizens. It would appear that for right now they are suspending all of their foreign adoptions. We beg of anyone out there reading this to please pray that this matter gets resolved and gets resolved quickly. I just don't have any words right now. I know that we serve a God that is way bigger than this and I know that he will intervene and resolve these issues. I just ask that everyone join in with us for pray not just for our adoption but for those others out there that have met there little ones and patiently waiting to get them home. This could take months and months to get resolved, and it may never get resolved. So please pray that God intervenes and this problem gets solved very quickly!

Happy Belated Easter!

Easter has come and gone and I have had every intention of doing an Easter post but have failed to follow through. I love Easter and all that it stands for.
Let me take a few steps back and be very open and honest. This waiting thing is really taking a toll on me. I didn't think that it was going to be this hard. In all honesty it wasn't so bad until March. I am so ready to hear something, I am just so tired of waiting. I'm beyond ready to get our referral and to get our babi(es) home. Just to think that they are out there and we can't do one thing to get them home right now can be agonizing at times. Then to have Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day all right here together....just let me say it is tough.
So I have been battling myself with this waiting phase and it is just wearing me out. Sunday, as I was sitting in church, our drama team did a drama to the song "Arise My Love". Just let me say that is one powerful song and our drama team did a fantastic job. As I was watching them, I began to think of all the pain and suffering that Jesus went through on the cross and how agonizing that it was for him. The Lord allowed him to endure that pain and suffering for a greater cause. So, I say all that just to say this: If Jesus can go through everything that he went through on the cross for me...then I can most certainly go through this waiting phase with a positive attitude!

More of this waiting stuff...

I know that it has once again been a while since I last blogged. I am going to cram several weeks into one blog so forgive me for the lengthiness. It has been a long and tough month. Yet I still find myself way to blessed to complain about it. One of my most dear BFF’s has faced a major tragedy within the last month. Despite the loss that she has faced, she has shown amazing strength, courage and dignity. She has been such an inspiration to me and I don’t think that I could possibly admire her more than I do right now. Her strength and grace has made such a big impression on me and how in spite of what life hands you…God is still almighty and will get us through even the most difficult of times (which I already knew, but seeing it in action has been amazing).
Benji has been out of town this week. This is the first time that we have been apart in many, many years. Even when we were dating for the last 2-3 years, we still saw each other every day. Now we have been married for eight years and have never been apart. I am thankful that we are the type of couple that can be together and not “need” to be away from each other. I am more thankful that this week is almost over, because I am so ready for him to be home. I made cookies, vacuum sealed them and snuck them in his suitcase, and I had a letter with pictures for each night that he was gone. (which my BFF has picked on me so bad about). I was missing him before he was even gone. I don’t see how people that travel often do it. One week has almost made me a crazy person.
Before he left, I asked if by chance we did happen to get a referral while he was gone, would he rather I tell him over the phone or would he rather I wait until he gets home and tell him in person. He asked that I wait until he gets home so that I could tell him when we were together. When he was getting ready for the trip, I was hoping that we wouldn’t get a referral when he was gone because I didn’t want to have to wait to tell him. Now that it is here, I really do wish that I had such a surprise to give him when he gets home. It would have been a great treat after a long week.
We did get a call back on an adoption grant. We have sent several off and have not received one yet. So we are super excited to get a call back on one. We are just praying that something works out with it.
That’s all I have for now. Hopefully I’ll have something more one day soon. But for now we will continue to patiently wait…..

*sigh* Waiting

It does seem like quite a while since I last blogged. There is just nothing new on the adoption front…just a whole lot of waiting…which by the way is really beginning to drive me crazy. The first couple of months seemed to just zip by, but now it seems as though time is just creeping along. I am trying to just be patient and wait in the Lord, but heavens to Betsy it is getting hard. I do try to not let it enter my mind but the thought that our baby(ies) are out there growing each and every day somewhere other than at home with us, can be an agonizing thought at times. However, we are going to get there, I just have to keep my patience (which is most definitely not one of my virtues) in check.

Counting the days

So, this waiting thing is only getting harder. I really try to not allow myself to think about it much. If I do, I will drive myself slap nuts. I have never liked the unknown very much. "Unknowns" don't fit very well with a slightly OCD (only kidding, I really don't think I am all that OCD...I just like certain things certain ways, HA!!), planner that tries to be very proactive with things, like myself. I wish that I just knew something. Just a little morsel of info that would help me prepare a little better, like how old will our child be? Will it be a girl or a boy? A closer time frame? Will we get one or two? These unknowns are making me feel like a crazy person at times.
I do have one source of comfort in this crazy process....my desk calender. I know that sounds insane. However, each day, I come into work and put a big "X" across the previous day. I sit back and think to myself "that is one day closer to bringing home our baby/babies". No, I am not trying to wish my life away here, I promise. But just to know that each day that passes is one day closer to getting our family home just makes me smile. I love coming in on Mondays and getting to cross out 3 whole days...it makes it seem like such a big leap to get to our "Gotcha" day. It is like Christmas to tear a month off the calender and start a whole new month:)

More Randomness

Not much new going on but a few things that have made me smile and just wanted to make not of them. So here goes a few things that are going on that have made me so very happy:

1) Benji got a contract on a house and another in the works: It is not a very big commission but we are so thankful for it. Last year the real estate market was terrible in our town. When we began our adoption, we were counting on real estate to help us to be able to afford it. Well, real estate sales have not really come through lately but we are so so grateful that it is picking up as our greatest financial resposibility is soon to come. The Lord has always provided exactly what we needed and when we needed it. We went to an adoption seminar back in December and one of the speakers was saying that when they were talking about adoption they asked each other, "How are we going to afford it?" The other's response we "We aren't God is!". That has stuck with me ever since. Because honestly, we can't afford it, but we serve a God that can! We give him all the praise and glory for getting us this far as well as what he is still doing and going to do to help us get our baby/babies home.

2) Our crib bedding came in. YAY!! I know that it is a little too early to get this considering that we have no clue if we will get a boy or a girl. However, it was the only bedding that I have found that I love for a little boy and it was being discontinued so I went on and got it (on sale mind you) and if we end up not needing it then there is alway Ebay, right? I love the bedding though and was so tickled when it came in.

3) Along with that crib bedding, Benji and my daddy have decided that they are going to build a crib themselves. Yes, that does partly scare me, but my BFF's hubby built their crib and it is gorgeous! I am a sentimental kinda gal, and what could be more sentimental than your hubby and your daddy handmaking a crib?
4) I am thankful for my jobs. I honestly love my jobs. As we are getting closer to bringing home our babi(es), I know that I am going to have to give up two of my jobs. That excites me yet kinda makes me sad. Job # 1 (which I will definately be keeping) I have worked at since I was 15. I love what I do, but most importantly I love who I work with. For one, I work with my daddy. This to some could be a terrible thing but it works for us, and I would have it no other way. Secondly, I work with Renee. She has been there since the stone ages (kidding). We may drive each other insane at times, but I love her dearly. She is much more than a co-worker to me...she is family! She is kind of like my sister from anther mister. HA!! Job#2 I enjoy very much. I don't have to work very hard, and I get the opportunity to meet all kinds of people (sometimes that is a good thing sometimes it is not). Job # 3, has really come to mean a lot to me. I teach GED classes part-time. I love my students very much. They are all such wonderful people. Most of them really only need someone to root for them. It's not at all that they are quitters, or bad people. Most of the time, it's just a matter of others giving up on them. They just need someone in their corner to love them and help build their confidence, from where it has once been damaged. It makes me really sad to know that soon I will be leaving them. I just hope and pray that I was able to make a difference in some of their lives, because most of them have certainly made a difference in mine!

One of my favorite roles in life

I have many roles in my life right now. My most prized titles in life are wife, daughter, sister and friend, and soon to add...mother. I have one other title in life that blesses me to no end....Aunt. Benji and I have 10 nieces and nephews and they each are such blessings in our lives. We love each and every one as if they were our own and there is nothing in this world that we would not do for any one of them. We have some that are almost grown and we are incredibly proud of them and all that they have accomplished. We have some that are still pretty young and they bring tons of joy to us. There is nothing that melts my heart more than hearing "Shanny (as most of them call me) will you play with me". Our nieces and nephews are so precious to us and we are so thankful that we are blessed with each and every one of them. Our little one has some pretty awesome cousins to come home to.

Count your daily blessings

I talked to a very dear old friend yesterday who shared with me some of a bible study that she is going through. She was telling me about being happy where you are because God has you there for a reason. She was also discussing to be aware and grateful for God’s daily blessings and miracles. Each and every day is filled with blessings and miracles from the Lord, and often we are so caught up in the craziness of life that we often become oblivious to the things that God does for us on a daily basis. Thanks for the chat Hannah! Love ya!
I also have noticed one of my former students posts a “daily happy” on her Facebook several times a week. What an awesome attitude to have! Thanks Lana! Thus making me think about how each and every day brings many “happys” that often do go unnoticed. I am making it my personal mission (however, I may not often post them) to seek the blessings and miracles that the Lord provides me every day.
Todays blessing: I just found out that my friend Tara and her hubby (mentioned in my previous post), just received their approval with AWAA (our adoption agency)! There was a little snag there for a bit, but the Lord was ever faithful and completely worked it out. We are so excited for them, and thanking the Lord in advanced for all that he is going to do and provide to help them bring home their little one!

We are registered!

I just spoke with Johnna and she informed me that we were officially registered! This may not mean much for some but for us it is another huge milestone reached. It means that we are officially just waiting to get the call any day now. Realistically, it will still be a few more months before we actually receive our referral, but we are so thrilled to have finally reached this milestone, and the thought that it “could” happen any day now is so exciting to us. The Lord has brought us a long way. We have dealt with so many emotional battles in this process, but he has never left our side, he has guided us through each and every step. We are just so thankful to be where we are today and to have the support and love of so many family and friends. We truly couldn’t be here without the constant love and support of you guys, we love you all and are so thankful that you are there to build us up when we are crumbling, and you are there when we have exciting news to share.
I do want to take a minute to ask for prayer for a friend of mine, whom I just recently met but is very near and dear to our hearts. She and her husband are just beginning the adoption process and are feeling some of the emotional ups and downs right now. I just ask that anyone reading this take a minute to say a quick prayer that everything works out for them and that they get their approval soon.

Anniversary Date!

So today not only marks the anniversary of 8 years of my marriage to one heck of a wonderful guy, it also marks the one year anniversary of the day that we put in the mail all the documents and payments that began this adoption journey. To be honest, I thought that we would have traveled halfway across the world and brought home our bundle of joy by now, but it hasn't worked out quite as I had thought it would a year ago. The ride thus far has been quite bumpy, but we are so thankful to be in the "waiting" phase. We are excited for what the Lord has in store for us, and we will patiently wait until he blesses us with the child/children that he has for us. We are looking forward to hopefully spending our next anniversary with a family of our own.

More randomness...but just what's on my heart

Loyalty is one of the most important character traits to me. I might not have much to offer others in my life, but I can assure you that those that I let get close to me will receive 100% of loyalty from me. I don’t let too many people close enough to know the real me. Vulnerability and weakness is not something that I share with too many people. I am very private. By keeping my inner most thoughts and feelings to myself, I may appear to be cold at times. If I appear to be cold then you don’t know the real me. There are only a few people that I have been very open enough with to know the real me and what I am really feeling and what I am really going through… those few people know who you are and thank you for allowing me to be me. Good, bad or indifferent, you allow me to be me. You take me as I am, you are happy when I am happy, you endure my many quirks (and I am well aware that I have many quirks, HA!) , and you allow me to be mad when I need to be mad. Those who know me know that I do get mad (as everyone does) but I never stay mad long, and those who know me know that all you have to do is make me laugh and I am quickly out of a funk. I believe that laugher is the best medicine. I love to laugh and have a good time. I love to joke and be goofy. To be honest, if people take me too seriously… they probably wouldn’t like me very much. The point that I am trying to make is that it is okay to get mad from time to time. It is perfectly normal. The problem lies when you get mad but you can’t get over it. Life is just too short for that. If you want to waste weeks on end being angry at others then you have wasted too much time and gotten nowhere. I am making a choice in my life and have for a few years now, and have never been a happier person because of it, to allow myself to be mad when I need to be, it’s an okay emotion to have. However, take my day or so to be mad then throw it behind me and move forward.
When I love, I love with everything in me. There is nothing in the world that I wouldn’t do for those in which I love. On the same hand, when someone that I love is hurt…I hurt. I don’t take lightly to it either. If someone hurts my family or my friends, I don’t sit back and take it. I will fight for those I love (of course I don’t mean physically). As a child, I was very attached to my parents, and still am for that matter, hence I live next door to them and I work for my dad. My family is my true heart (and there are some friends that fall in this family category….I am not on board with the old saying “blood is thicker than water, personally I think that is just hogwash!). If you want to see me turn into a pit bull real quick, then mess with my husband or my parents. I have always been quick to jump to my brother’s defense, even when I probably shouldn’t but he’s my brother and I can’t stand to see him hurt. My sister never really needed defending. She was always the type that could handle her own. I always admired that about her, and thus that desire to be a stronger person like her, has partly made me who I am today. For that I am thankful.
I am a flawed individual, but have yet to meet a person that is perfect. I admit that I am flawed but will not apologize for it because it is what makes me who I am. I do the very best that I can in life, and am proud of the person that I am. Even more than that I am thankful for those that the Lord has placed in my life that have helped me, supported me, guided me, loved me, and shaped me into the person that I am today. I don’t stand where I am today on my own merit, and I don’t for one minute take for granted those who have impacted my life the most.
In conclusion, as we are gearing up to hopefully soon become parents, I am so thankful that my child will be blessed with the same people that God has blessed me with to help steer and guide them in their life. I want my child to know that emotions are a good thing; it’s how you deal with them that you have to be aware of. I am not always the best with dealing with my emotions, but life is about learning. I want to raise my children to be able to express themselves. I want them to have the liberty to say what they are feeling, and to always be up front and honest. I want for them to always know that if they are going to say something about someone they need to be willing and able to say it to them, get it off their chest and then move forward. I pray that they have the courage to stand up for what is right and to support others in their lives, as I know they will have tons of support in their lives.
I know this is very random, but it really several independent thoughts jumbled into one. I tried to make sense of each thought but it didn't quite come together as I had intended. None the less it is from my heart.