Day 3 with the boys

Today was our last day to see the boys before we head home. It was a pretty rough morning. We worried all night and all day that we would leave here without them even bonding to us a little bit. We had to run to a notary's office to sign our intent to adopt. From there we had to go back to the orpahange director's office to sign a paper so that they can't show our boys to anyone else. It takes them out of the system as a referral. There we met with a lawyer who discussed a situation with our facilitator. It is a situation that I'll get to in a minute. Then we went to see the boys. As we walked in M was already in the room with a care taker. He smiled when we walked in and when I reached out to pick him up he immediately came to me. A few minutes later, D walks in and acknowleges us but goes straight for the toys. Again he is very guarded with us. After a while he gets the beach ball...his favorite and begins kicking to Benji. This time he was smiling and even laughing when he was playing. M was content to sit in my lap and play with toys. After a while he stood in front of me and just rubbed my face. I leaned forward and gave him a smooch and a second later he gave me a smooch back. D's beloved beach ball busted (but it has served us well this week) so he got on a rocking horse with wheels and Benji and I pushed him back and forth to wach other. He smiled more while doing this then I have ever seem him smile. After a while, Benji spends a little one on one time with M, and I go to D. He is such a sad little boy that it breaks my heart. He lets you play with him for just a minute then he wants to be alone. I played with a paino with him for a little bit. At this point I was determined to get him in my arms. I rubbed his little cheek for a minute. As I did this, he had the saddest look in his eyes. It was terrible. I really felt like he is longing for love but I so scared of it at the same time. Then I reached out to pick him up and his bottom lip just quivered, and he took a step backwards. I grabbed him anyways and just held him close. He let me...praise God he let me! I told him over and over that I loved him (and I said it in the best Russian that I could) He let out a deep sigh, and at this point he wasn't tense at all in m arms...he was caving. I held him for another couple minutes. After this one short but sweet moment, he played with us steady for the rest of our visit. He never from this point on went to play by himself....and he laughed, and smiled.....a lot! He let Benji hold him a lot and even leaned into Benji showing a little more trust. Not long before we were to say good-bye, we have them the teddy bears that my mama bought. (She went to Build-a-Bear and made D a dog and M a bear. Then she got voice recorders for each one). Benji and I recorded our voices in the dog and bear saying "daddy loves you" and "mama loves you". They loved the bears....especially D. He toted it all around with him and he was constantly pressing the button to make it speak. At the very end, we all four sat together on the couch while our facilitator made a few last pictures of all of us. D sat very contently in Benji's lap...which would not have happend yesterday, and M sat contently in my lap. When it was time to go, D let us hug him a told us good-bye with a smile...not a cold blank stare and wave. Benji had M when the came to get him and M pitched a tantrum when they went to take him. The care taker had to take him out of Benji's arms as he was not wanting to go. Part of this made us feel terrible but then again it felt so good that he wanted to stay. I can now leave a little more in peace than I could have yesterday. It's not at all easy to say good by, but there is a greater sense of comfort saying good-bye when you made a connection.