Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I never imagined that this would be so tough

We did recieve an unofficial referral Friday. We we very excited at first, however, we began to have a nagging feeling that it just wasn't right. We had until this morning to either accept and see if we could move forward or to decline. We spend the entire weekend in prayer and seeking the Lord's guidance. We spoke to an international adoption specialist, and a pediatrician here. Neither gave us anything over concerning medical wise. Family and friends were all in support and very excited. Still something was just nagging us that this isn't what the Lord is calling us to do. In this situation, we have been in this process for so long it seems and we are beyond ready for something to happen. Emotions are at an all time high. However, we have to make sure that we are not making this decision on what we want because we are growing impatient. We have to make sure that we are still focusing on the Lord and his will...not just our own desires. We had, as of yesterday, pretty much decided to pursue these children regardless of any of our concerns. Even though our minds were there, our hearts just weren't feeling that it is what we were supposed to do. Last night, we were finally able to look at each other and both say that we just had this gut feeling that this is not the path we are supposed to take. As horrible as it may sound, there was an overwhelming sense of peace once we came to that realization, whereas there was no sense of peace when we were of the thought we were going to do this.
At the end of my life, I want nothing more than to hear the words "Well done my good and faithful servant"....I do not want to hear, "You did try to follow me but you still did the things that you wanted to do without hearing me first". It is our prayer that the next referral that we get (and hopefully it will be soon), we will see the pictures and the Lord speaks to us so strongly in knowing that baby/babies are ours. So for now, we continue to wait and seek the Lord.

1 comment:

Heather Brandt said...

Praying for you to have God's perfect peace and wisdom and discernment! If you need to talk by email or phone, just let me know. We felt like God led us to Russia to meet our first referral but we were praying all the way there and while there for God to confirm whether this little one was truly the one He had ordained to be in our family. God was faithful and did confirm it for us.
Take care,


heather
www.russianblessings.wordpress.com