Still a waitin' and a prayin'

The US and Russian officials are to meet this week (the 29th & 30th to be exact). This meeting was supposed to occur last week but do to the volcanoe in Sweden, officials were not able to fly to Russia. Adoptions have not been suspended as of yet, and we are hoping, praying and trusting that it stays that way. This meeting will hopefully have a permanent resolve and there will be no more worries.
I know that I have said this before, but this waiting stuff is getting so hard. Patience has never been my virtue. I am honestly trying very hard to keep a good attitude and be patient. But let me tell ya, there are some days that I feel like I am going to loose my mind just waiting on the day that my cell phone rings and AWAA comes up on the caller ID. I really do try to not let myself think about it every minute of every day, but the more time passes the harder it is to direct my thoughts anywhere but to the day that we bring our little one home.
As difficult as the waiting has been and is becoming, I must say that I am thankful for it. Do I wish that the waiting weren't this long? Heck yes! However, I do feel that it has only strengthen my walk with God. It has made me have to reoly solely on him and to keep my focus on him and him alone. I feel like my walk with the Lord has become stronger then ever, and that is because this waiting phase (the whole adoption process for that matter), has made me see how great he is and to rely directly on him. For that I will forever be greatful for this "waiting" phase. I know that the Lord has us where we are right now for a reason. Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite verse ever!

Good News!

We just had a conference call with our coordinator, who informed us that the media reports are inacurate. Adoptions have not been suspended. So thanks CNN for causing me to panic, and thanks FOX for being the only one that was reporting correct information. However, the situation is not out of the woods so to speak just yet. But it does appear that this should not be an issue. My faith does waiver at times, and the human nature in me begins to second guess things. The bottom line is that the Lord is ever faithful and he has carried this far. I know that at the end of the day, the Lord has us in his hands and he is going to take care of this! Praise the Lord and all his greatness!!

Is it OK?

Is it ok to be mad as fire?

Is it ok to have the desire to drive to Tennessee to find Torry and Nancy Hansen because I want to look them in the eye and ask them what in the heck they were thinking? Because I want to make sure that they understand the scope of what their bad decisions have done to that poor child as well as those of us who have put everything on the line and worked so hard to get to the point that we are at just to have it possibly snatched away.

Is it ok to want to crawl in a hole and scream...really loud?

Is it ok to have a moment where you just want to throw in the towel and say the heck with this, I have no fight left in me...I'm done!

Is it ok to feel defeated and exhausted and just plain feel crummy?

I am going to answer these questions for myself. Yes! It is ok...but just for a minute. So I have sat here for the past two hours and felt all of the above. Now I am going to put on my big girl panties, seek the Lord with everthing that I have and cast all worries on him.
For the past week, we have recieved numerous calls and messages of encouragement on this situation. Today, we have already recieved so many words of encouragement and people letting us know that we are in their prayers. This means so much to me. It means the world and then some to know that there are that many people out there that care. People that I would have have never expected have offered so much encouragement and it has truly lifted me up today. Thanks so much everyone out there for the support, it is more comforting then you will ever know!

Russian Adoptions are officially suspended...for now

I got up this morning and did my daily check of CNN and there it was..."Russia suspends adoptions". Not at all what I was expecting to see this morning. Not at all what I wanted to see this morning. From best that I understand, this is only a temporary thing, just until the U.S. and Russia can come to an agreement and sign a treaty to monitor the adoptions better. The US Embassy in Moscow has urged adoptive parents to not worry. The State Department is headed to Russia next week to hopefully hash this thing out and come to an agreement. As hard as it is at this moment, I am not going to worry. I will, let me repeat, I WILL keep my eyes on the Lord and work through this with a positive attitude and my faith fully intact. So for now, I just ask for continued prayers not just on our behalf but also on behalf of all the other families that are in our place and even further along then us.

Some positives

I have been in email contact with our coordinator today who informed us that nothing has been stopped yet. The Russian coordinator has spoken with all of the regions that our agency deals with and they are still continuing the adoptions. Does this mean that they won't be cut out tomorrow? No. However, we are going to keep positive and rely solely on the Lord for this. I asked our coordinator if this would slow down referrals and she said as of yet no. She said that the Russian coordinator recieved a batch of referrals today just like he is normally scheduled to do. My first though was "please let us have a little one in that set of referrals". HA! This situation took me back for a bit but then as I have said before, if I get my "panties in a wad" so to speak over it...then I am not putting my faith and trust in the Lord. I keep reminding myself of the verse on this blog homepage: "For I know the plans that I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11" I have a bracelet with this very verse on it that I have been wearing all week to keep me and my faith in check.

Furthermore, want to say that I have the best family and the best friends in the world (in my humble opinion). Our support system is beyond amazing! My parents have always been behind us 100% and are following and praying so hard for this situation to get smoothed over. My aunt and cousinhas been such amazing cheerleaders for us. My aunt sent me a message yesterday to tell me her principal prayed for us over the intercom yesterday and that her school is keeping us in prayer. First off, prayer in school? Praise God for private school! Second, the whole school is praying for us? How awesome and uplifting is that. Hillcrest: You are awesome and we are so thankful to you! Shasha and Erin: You guys are such a blessing to us! My sister sent me a wonderful scripture that was what I needed to hear. Philippians 4:6-7, look it up. It was great. My friends are beyond awesome. They have sent me such positive and uplifting messages , emails and calls that have made me smile. You guys are the best and I love you!
So, for now we are left to keep on praying that adoptions are not stopped and that we can soon get our referral and get our little one's home. One couple with our agency recieved a referral at Christmas and had their court date today. The judge said "Dah"...which is "yes" in Russian. Thank you Lord for thier court success!! Hopefully ours will be not far behind:)

Don't stop praying!

This situation in Russia is a huge mess. I tried to not get overly worried about it. However the more I read and watch the media coverage on it the more... hmmm... uneasy, aggrivated, annoyed, angry, and frustrated (that should cover it) that I get. I not am not going to sit here and attack the woman that started this frenzy. I don't know her and what she was dealing with. I do feel that her choices were serious misjudgements. Her choices have made a massive impact on so many others right now. Her choices have envoked panic in so many of us that are in mid process of Russian adoptions. Let me be a little more frank than that...her choices have led to a situation that has ripped our hearts out for the moment. I know that we personally are finally to a point of just waiting on that glorious phone call anyday. Others were further along than we are and have already held their little ones, they have already given their hearts to them and are just waiting to get them home. I really think that I hurt for those people more than I hurt for myself right now.
I let myself get really frustrated last night. I allowed myelf to go into negativity and get into "poor me" status and question the Lord. I quickly realized that is exactly what the devil would want me to do. So I dried my eyes, and apologized to the man upstairs for my moment of weakness. God did not bring us this far to leave us hanging. He doesn't take you down a road then say "I got you this far, now you are on your own". Not the God I serve! He follows through! He will not leave us hanging....he will carry us and get us through!

A Major Prayer Request

I just recieved an email from our adoption coordinator to inform us of a major situation that is brewing with Russian adoptions. There is a situation with a mother that adopted a young boy from Russia and it seems as though she sent him back. The story has been covered in the media. Well Russia is quite upset over what has transpired and they are threatening to shut down all adoptions from American citizens. It would appear that for right now they are suspending all of their foreign adoptions. We beg of anyone out there reading this to please pray that this matter gets resolved and gets resolved quickly. I just don't have any words right now. I know that we serve a God that is way bigger than this and I know that he will intervene and resolve these issues. I just ask that everyone join in with us for pray not just for our adoption but for those others out there that have met there little ones and patiently waiting to get them home. This could take months and months to get resolved, and it may never get resolved. So please pray that God intervenes and this problem gets solved very quickly!

Happy Belated Easter!

Easter has come and gone and I have had every intention of doing an Easter post but have failed to follow through. I love Easter and all that it stands for.
Let me take a few steps back and be very open and honest. This waiting thing is really taking a toll on me. I didn't think that it was going to be this hard. In all honesty it wasn't so bad until March. I am so ready to hear something, I am just so tired of waiting. I'm beyond ready to get our referral and to get our babi(es) home. Just to think that they are out there and we can't do one thing to get them home right now can be agonizing at times. Then to have Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day all right here together....just let me say it is tough.
So I have been battling myself with this waiting phase and it is just wearing me out. Sunday, as I was sitting in church, our drama team did a drama to the song "Arise My Love". Just let me say that is one powerful song and our drama team did a fantastic job. As I was watching them, I began to think of all the pain and suffering that Jesus went through on the cross and how agonizing that it was for him. The Lord allowed him to endure that pain and suffering for a greater cause. So, I say all that just to say this: If Jesus can go through everything that he went through on the cross for me...then I can most certainly go through this waiting phase with a positive attitude!