Anniversary Date!

So today not only marks the anniversary of 8 years of my marriage to one heck of a wonderful guy, it also marks the one year anniversary of the day that we put in the mail all the documents and payments that began this adoption journey. To be honest, I thought that we would have traveled halfway across the world and brought home our bundle of joy by now, but it hasn't worked out quite as I had thought it would a year ago. The ride thus far has been quite bumpy, but we are so thankful to be in the "waiting" phase. We are excited for what the Lord has in store for us, and we will patiently wait until he blesses us with the child/children that he has for us. We are looking forward to hopefully spending our next anniversary with a family of our own.

More randomness...but just what's on my heart

Loyalty is one of the most important character traits to me. I might not have much to offer others in my life, but I can assure you that those that I let get close to me will receive 100% of loyalty from me. I don’t let too many people close enough to know the real me. Vulnerability and weakness is not something that I share with too many people. I am very private. By keeping my inner most thoughts and feelings to myself, I may appear to be cold at times. If I appear to be cold then you don’t know the real me. There are only a few people that I have been very open enough with to know the real me and what I am really feeling and what I am really going through… those few people know who you are and thank you for allowing me to be me. Good, bad or indifferent, you allow me to be me. You take me as I am, you are happy when I am happy, you endure my many quirks (and I am well aware that I have many quirks, HA!) , and you allow me to be mad when I need to be mad. Those who know me know that I do get mad (as everyone does) but I never stay mad long, and those who know me know that all you have to do is make me laugh and I am quickly out of a funk. I believe that laugher is the best medicine. I love to laugh and have a good time. I love to joke and be goofy. To be honest, if people take me too seriously… they probably wouldn’t like me very much. The point that I am trying to make is that it is okay to get mad from time to time. It is perfectly normal. The problem lies when you get mad but you can’t get over it. Life is just too short for that. If you want to waste weeks on end being angry at others then you have wasted too much time and gotten nowhere. I am making a choice in my life and have for a few years now, and have never been a happier person because of it, to allow myself to be mad when I need to be, it’s an okay emotion to have. However, take my day or so to be mad then throw it behind me and move forward.
When I love, I love with everything in me. There is nothing in the world that I wouldn’t do for those in which I love. On the same hand, when someone that I love is hurt…I hurt. I don’t take lightly to it either. If someone hurts my family or my friends, I don’t sit back and take it. I will fight for those I love (of course I don’t mean physically). As a child, I was very attached to my parents, and still am for that matter, hence I live next door to them and I work for my dad. My family is my true heart (and there are some friends that fall in this family category….I am not on board with the old saying “blood is thicker than water, personally I think that is just hogwash!). If you want to see me turn into a pit bull real quick, then mess with my husband or my parents. I have always been quick to jump to my brother’s defense, even when I probably shouldn’t but he’s my brother and I can’t stand to see him hurt. My sister never really needed defending. She was always the type that could handle her own. I always admired that about her, and thus that desire to be a stronger person like her, has partly made me who I am today. For that I am thankful.
I am a flawed individual, but have yet to meet a person that is perfect. I admit that I am flawed but will not apologize for it because it is what makes me who I am. I do the very best that I can in life, and am proud of the person that I am. Even more than that I am thankful for those that the Lord has placed in my life that have helped me, supported me, guided me, loved me, and shaped me into the person that I am today. I don’t stand where I am today on my own merit, and I don’t for one minute take for granted those who have impacted my life the most.
In conclusion, as we are gearing up to hopefully soon become parents, I am so thankful that my child will be blessed with the same people that God has blessed me with to help steer and guide them in their life. I want my child to know that emotions are a good thing; it’s how you deal with them that you have to be aware of. I am not always the best with dealing with my emotions, but life is about learning. I want to raise my children to be able to express themselves. I want them to have the liberty to say what they are feeling, and to always be up front and honest. I want for them to always know that if they are going to say something about someone they need to be willing and able to say it to them, get it off their chest and then move forward. I pray that they have the courage to stand up for what is right and to support others in their lives, as I know they will have tons of support in their lives.
I know this is very random, but it really several independent thoughts jumbled into one. I tried to make sense of each thought but it didn't quite come together as I had intended. None the less it is from my heart.

Happy New Year!

Yes, I do realize that I am only 6 days late on saying that. For the past couple years, my parents have taken us all to the mountains for New Years. So we were able to have some time to unwind from the holidays and get some much needed R&R. Thanks daddy and mama, we truly had a blast!!

Having the time in the mountains to just chill out with nothing to do, no where to go, reminded us what life should be about. Right now, our lives are as chaotic as ever. Benji is working 2 jobs (and looking to get a third until we get our little one home), I am working 3 jobs and doing some cake decorating/catering on the side. We both know that we are doing this to hopefully be more financially prepared when we get our little one, as well as to be able to afford this adoption. However, having a break and some time off from work made me miss having a "normal" life. It has made me long more so than ever for the day that we have our little one (and we are well aware that our lives will still be quite chaotic), but I am so ready to be able to spend more time at home with my family. But for now, I will keep on keeping on. I will continue to work as hard as I can just to get our little one home.

I must say that up to this point I have been very patient in the "waiting" phase. I think that I knew that it was impossible to know anything in 2009 so there was no need in thinking about it. Then 2010 rolled in and I have just been so excited. I am hoping and praying with everything in me that this is going to be our year! Better yet, I am trusting in the Lord that this is going to be our year. To be perfectly honest, I don't think that I have it in me to stomach one more Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving...and heaven forbid another Christmas without a little one. I know that the Lord will provide me the strength to endure anything...and he sure has thus far. I truly don't mean to sound gloomy at all, because I don't feel gloomy. I just feel that I have grown more anxious than ever once 2010 began. We are almost 3 months into the waiting phase, and I feel sure that we still have a little ways to go, however, the thought that each passing day/week is just one day/week closer to bringing home our baby, is truly a good feeling.
I have even ordered our crib bedding already. I do realize that I am jumping the gun a little, but what I loved is being discontinued and I figured if it isn't something that we can use once we get our little one then there is always EBay, right? HA!

So here is to a great New Year to everyone. I hope that 2010 is one of the happiest and most fruitful years ever for you and your loved ones. God Bless you all throughout 2010, and may you all be blessed beyond measure!

Merry Christmas (a little late)

Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE Christmas! First and foremost, it is the day that God gave the greastest gift ever...the birth of his son Jesus. I love everything about Christmas. I love to decorate every smidgen of house that I can, I love to bake Christmas goodies, I love wrapping and giving gifts and most of all, I love having time off work to spend with family and friends. We had a wonderful Christmas this year and are so blessed to have such awesome families to spend Christmas with. This year, our little one recieve some gifts. It meant so much to us that he/she was thought of. I feel quite certain that he/she is out there and it kills me that they weren't home this year to enjoy Christmas with us. I cringe at the thought that Christmas for our little one was spent without family and in an orphanage. However, I trust that the Lord has provided them with wonderful care takers that are loving them until we can finally get to them. Next year, hopefully, Christmas will be a whole new expereince for you my little one!

Grammie and Pop gave you this book for Christmas this year. It is so wonderful and you will have it read to you every Christmas as soon as you are home.

This one is from Aunt Staci, Uncle Dwayne, Jennifer and Nathan. They knew how much that I love this book so they got it for our little one this year.

The goods from Ashley, Andy and Alex. I did just realize that the book you got is not with this picture. I must have left if in the bag by accident.

From my secret sister: Ruthie. This is by far one of my childhood favorites.

Shasha made this! No words necessary on how touching this one is. This is already on dispaly on the nursery to be.

All the loot! Thank you everyone! These gifts made my Christmas so much more special. It was so weet of all of you and means the world to us! Our little one is so lucky to have family and friends like you to come home to. Thank you all so much!

Last but not least, we had the chance to get togther with Tara and Jonathan over Christmas. It was so wonderful to meet them and I know that we are going to be great friends. I can't wait until the day that we can get our little Russian angels together for play dates!

Thank you for my hubby!

I know that I touched on this in my previous Thanksgiving post, however, I have just been thinking a lot lately and want to give my dear husband the recognition that he deserves. I am so blessed to have him as my husband. Sure I am biased, but I think that I snagged the best husband in the entire world. Do I still take him for granted? Unfortunately yes I do. Benji and I are not the partying type. We are actually quite boring to be perfectly honest with you. It's just the way that we are. But the older that I get, the more that I realize that our lifestyle is not necessarily "just how everyone else lives". I take for granted that I am married to a man that is not a drinker, at all (not criticizing anyone here) but that lifestyle is just not for us. I was raised in a home where there was never any alcohol ever! I am blessed that I have never had to experience either set of my grandparents engaging in these activities either. Yes, there were some aunts and uncles that weren't living this lifestyle, but my parents very much sheltered us from them. If they came around then my parents, ever so discreetly packed us up and we would leave. This was nto a lifestyle that my parents wanted us subjected to. Did I appreciate it as a child/teen growing up? Not so much, do I appreciate it now? Heck yeah! It never dawned on me how lucky that I am and how lucky that my kids are going to be. Thank you God that my kids will not have to ever smell alcohol on their daddy's breath (nor mommy's for that matter). Because, it is such a blessing that I can say that I have never seen nor experienced my parents under the influence of any kind. That is a major blessing in my life. I am ever so thankful that I married such a wonderful man who doesn't partake in this lifestyle either. I can't express enough how comforting that it is to know that my kids will not have to deal with this from their parents. My children will not have to ever deal with a parent that has had a little too much to drink because A) I will not stand for that kind of behavior around my babies and B) I married a man with the same philosphies that does not want his babies subjected to it either.
So I can't thank God enough for sending me a husband that is such a great family man. A man who loves his family with his whole heart, a man who will want to spend every moment that he can with his family. I am quite confident that my children will have one of the most hands on daddies out there (with the exception of diaper duty, HA!). I am so thankful that my children will have a daddy that will be able to go to gatherings and just enjoy being there with his family and not have the need to participate in any alcoholic consumption. Thank you Lord for sending me such a patient, caring, nurturing man that shares the same morals as I do. And next time that he leaves his hat full of change on my kitchen table or his shoes by the door, please remind me that no one is perfect...but he is pretty darn close!

More ramblings while we patiently wait

I am quite thankful that part of our "waiting" period is during the Christmas holidays. I absolutely love Christmas. It just makes me happy. My house is for the most part all decorated, our town's Christmas celebration/parade was this past weekend, we will be doing our annual Christmas goody cooking next week, and Benji and I have vowed to watch a Christmas every night the month of December. So the Christmas cheer has kept our spirits up as we just sit and wait.
This past week, we adopted us a soldier! No, he will not be coming to live with us, taking on our last name and calling us mama and daddy. We recieved his name and address yesterday, and are so excited to send him care packages, prayers and support from home. I personally almost feel guilty enjoying this season so much when we have tons of men and woman overseas putting their lives on the line everyday to secure our safety. We often take for granted the sacrifices that they and their families make daily for us. I am so thankful and so proud of our armed forces, and all that they do.
Last, I got the opportunity to meet (via phone) a new friend last night. Tara and her hubby are on the verge of taking the leap of faith into adoption. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with you last night Tara, and I can't wait to meet you. I hope that by the time that you read this, you will have sent off for your approval or will be doing so real soon. I am so excited for you guys and you will be in our prayers.

Thanksgiving

So here we are at Thanksgiving. I want to take a couple mintues to give thanks were there is a lot of thanks due. We have so much to be thankful for and just don't express it nearly as often as we should. So here's my list of thank-you's that I don't state near enough!


First and foremost: I am so thankful for our God! I am so thankful that we serve such an awesome God that loves us unconditionally, and is always there to catch us when we fall. I am so thankful that he loves me enough to bless me abundantly every day even though I don't deserve a fraction of what he does for me.

I am so thankful that I have such an amazing husband. I am so blessed to be married to such a loyal, honest, hard working, family oriented man. I want to thank him for loving me even though I'm not always loveable:) I also want to thank him for loving my family. He has such a great relationship with my family and my life wouldn't be near as great if he didn't. Thank you babe for being all that I could ever hope for and then some, you are the best. I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. I love you so much!

I also super thankful for my family. I am blessed beyond measure with such a great family. I could not possible ask for better parents. They have raised me to be the person that I am today. My parents have always been behind me and supported and loved me through anything and everything in my life. They have been our biggest supporters in our adoption journey. Every single fundraiser that we have had to date, they have been right there working their hind quaters off to make it as successful as possible. They are amazing parents. I am also blessed with some pretty great sibling too. I have a pretty fantastic brother and sister too, that I love dearly and who are always there when you need them. Sure we have our squabbles from time to time, but I am so blessed to have siblings, and the older we get the closer we become. And I am so thankful that I have them in my life. I also have some pretty great in-laws. I shouldn't even refer to them as in-laws because they are family to me too. Benji was blessed to be a member of a large family. I fell in love with his family when we were dating. They are very close knit and I can't wait to bring our child into a home with such a great family all the way around. Our child will be so blessed with awesome grandparents on both sides, some really fantastic aunts and uncles, and several neices and nephews that are all my heart and I love each and everyone as if they were my own.

I am also so thankful for friends who are like family to me. I am so blessed with so many great people in my life and I may not say it, but I would be lost with each and every person in my life. I am so blessed with some awesome friends, that are always honest with me and keep me grounded. Thank you for being an extention to my family, thank you for always being there when I need someone to talk to, and thank you for always supporting me. To one in particular (and I am confident that you know who you are), thank you so much for all the laughs. You have been right there with me through all the ups and downs thus far in our adoption, and you keep me laughing even when I really don't feel like it. Thanks for always being an instant "perk me up". I feel sure that I would have lost my mind by now without you. So thank you for truly being the best friend a girl could ever dream of having.

I am aslo thankful for good health for not only myself but for all my family and friends. There are so many people that are fighting some pretty huge health battles right now. There are some out there fighting for each and every day and their families are just hoping to have a little more time with them. So this day and time, I just can't be thankful enough that myself and my family are so fortunate to be in good health. I pray for those who are not so fortunate every single day.

I am such a blessed individual and I can't thank God enough for all that he has done for me. He has always, without fail, provided for me. I am thankful that he continues to provide for us each and everyday.