Waiting on a court date

We are patiently waiting on a court date. We have had a very difficult time getting one thing. The first few weeks being home really weren't so bad. But now each day that passes, I miss the boys more and more. Words just can't express how badly I am ready to get back to them. Their room is ready, their closets are loaded, and preparations are in the works to complete their playroom. The only thing lacking is just them.

There is a huge piece of me that feels crummy for celebrating Christmas. I feel guilty that I get to enjoy the wonderful holiday at home with my family while they are thousands of miles away in an orphanage, no family, no gifts, no Santa. I know in my heart that God has a perfect plan and that his timing is one of perfection whereas my timing is out of impatience. I know that even though we wont be with them this year for Christmas, God is with them. I also know that even though they are in an orphange this year for Christmas...next year will the most special Christmas ever!

So in the wait for a court date (which we are praying hard is going to be in January because I don't know that I can make it to Feb.), I want to focus on the reason for the season. It is not the gifts and Santa, but rather the birth of Jesus. He is the one and only reason for the season. I hope you all are having a wonderful Christmas season!

Lots of Catching up

I know it has been awhile since my last post. Time has just gotten away from me. I do have a good bit to catch up on though.
We had a great Thanksgiving. My whole family was down and stayed through the weekend. It is not often that my brother and my sister are able to make it back for several days at a time. My brother stayed at our house of a couple nights and my sister and her family was right next door at my parents for a few days. It was so wonderful to have us all together for several days. Then we got to do our annual Black Friday shopping. I love black Friday shopping. It has become a tradition with my BFF, Benji and I. This year my sister and bro-in-law were abe to go too. We always have a great time.
Then, this past Sunday, our church hosted a "Bringing home the boys shower" for us. I can not even express how blessed that we were. I must say that ladies in our church are some of the hardest working, most giving, very loving, and all around best ladies ever! We were so blessed to have several of our friends and family there. I know that I have said it before but our family and friends mean so much to us. We have some of the best family and some of the best friends ever. We could not do this without the amount of support that we have recieved. We are so lucky to have the friends and family that God has put in our lives. The boys were blessed with so many nice new things and we were blessed by the outpouring of love. Thank you so much to everyone that took time out of your busy schedules to come, I know that many of you lead very busy lives and many of you had a bit of a drive...but we thank you so much for coming. It really and truly meant so much to both Benji and I.
As of now, we are having some issues with some paperwork. There is one thing the court is requesting and we are having a hard time getting. I am growing very impatient and have to constantly rely on the Lord to keep my patience in check. I am just so ready to see the boys again and get them home. Each day that passes, our chances of a Jan. court date gets smaller. We know that the Lord is not going to leave us hanging...he never has and never will. We are just so ready to get them home.

It's a God thing

I just feel really lead to post this today. We have been very lucky to not have been met with too many adoption skeptics....or at least we have not heard of many people that have had negative things to say about our journey to our boys. However, we are fully aware that there are people out there that don't understand. I have had one woman come up to me and say that she was "praying for my womb to open". Part of me was very irritated by that comment, part of me wanted to bust out laughing because who says stuff like that, and then another part of me just felt very sorry for her and her ignorance on the subject of adoption. I have gotten a few "as soon as you adopt then maybe you will have your own children". This one really rubs me the wrong way. Do people really think that just because we choose to adopt that they will not be our "own children"? Benji and I just don't care that much about biology. It's actually pretty silly to us. I have heard of other people that say they don't know that they can love someone that is not linked to them biologically. Really?? My thoughts on that are "How can you truly love your spouse then?" Your spouse is not linked to you biologically. Let me tell ya...I love my spouse more than life itself. I love him because he is the one that the Lord has chosen for me to be with...and of course because he is a pretty awesome guy:) My in-laws are not biologically connected to me but I love them as though they were. Our nieces and nephews on Benji's side are not biologically related to me but I love them all as though they were my own. I have friends that I love just like they are my family. They aren't biologically linked to me but still there is little that I wouldn't do for anyone of them. In the grand scheme of life, what does a little DNA have to do with love? If DNA determines what your heart will and will not allow you to love, then perhaps you should do a reality check on your heart.
Adoption is a calling in life. It is not for everyone. Heck, as tough as it can be, sometimes I wonder if it is really for us:) Everyone in life has their own calling. It's all a matter of really seeking the Lord and listening to what your calling life is. When the Lord calls...you answer. The Lord has called Benji and I to adopt and we are doing our very best to listen and follow him.
Again, we have been quite fortunate to not have been met with too many negative adoption skeptics. I do have a very dear friend who is in the process of adopting as well, and she has been met with a little negativity. There are people out there that are a little narrow minded and somewhat insensitive. Plain and simply put...they do not understand adoption, let alone international adoption. All I can say is...it's a God thing. If you don't understand, then seek him for the answers. When you are truely seeking the Lord...it really stirs the devil up and aggitates him. Thus he comes in and trys very hard to discourage you on the path that you are on. I just challenge anyone out there to NOT let the devil use you as a vessel to discourage others who are fighting their own battles. If you can't be positive, uplifting and encouraging to someone then by all means...just be silent. Otherwise...you are doing the devil's dirty work.

In the wait

I just thought that the waiting on a referral was hard...waiting to get a date to get my precious little boys home is hard. I don't think that a moment goes by that I am not thinking about them. I wish so bad I would be on a plane tomorrow to get back to them. We have once again been told that a December court date is very unlikely. I know in my heart that it will probably be January before we can get back to them...but I can always hope that it happens much sooner. I hate the thought of them spending one more Christmas without being home where they belong. However, it is all in God's hands and all in his perfect timing. Knowing that and continuously reminding myself of that is what keeps me sane in this process. This whole process is the Lord's calling and we have done our very best to be obedient and follow him. I have to rely heavily on Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". I know I have said that verse time and time again, but it is what helps us put this all in the Lord's hands and trust in him completely.
Other things that help keep our spirits up is the love and support that we have from our family and friends. I can not express how much this means to us. I know I have said this over and over but we are just so blessed by family and our friends. We were overwelmed with the love and support that we recieved when we got home. Immediately, our family and friends began working on baby shower prepartaions. My mama has been just a shopping for the boys. She has made sure that they have nice warm clothes as we travel home through Russia in the winter...yep it is going to be a little chilly:) My aunt (Shasha) sent us a bag of some of the best children's books ever. She also bought several gloves and hats for us to leave at the orphanage for the other kids there. My dear friend Hannah and her mama Karen came for a visit last weekend. Hannah bought the boys a set of Skippy Jones books (super cute, if you have small children, these books are hysterical) and Mrs. Karen bought the boys a Christmas present (that I am still holding out hope that they get to open this year). Our dear friends Tara and Jonathan (are in the process of adoption from Russia as well) came up last week and bought the boys a fire truck, puzzle and some bath crayons.
We are truly blessed by some great people in our lives. We are so thankful for those that have kept constant contact, given daily words of encouragement, and come to visit. Words cannot describe how grateful we are for the love and support that we have recieved.

A blessed homecoming

It is so good to be home but so hard that they are not with us. We had such a great homecoming. Getting off the plane as I said before we were met by my sister, bro-in-law and nephew, who had the best steak dinner ever waiting on us and the sweetest scrapbook and pics. Then, once we got home from my sisters, I walked into a nice clean house with a "Welcome Home" sign in my kitchen. We had to drop my car off at to be repaired before we left so my daddy had went and picked it up and brought it to our house so we wouldn't have to deal with that when we got home. My fridge was stocked, including a fresh pitcher of sweet tea...thus Benji was beyond thrilled, plus we had snacks on the counter so we wouldn't have to immediately run to the grocery store. Then throughout the evening I found little surprises here and there. My mom obviously thought the pillows on our bed were not fluffy enough so we have new pillows and a new blanket on our bed. All my laundry was washed and folded. Then when I went into the boy's room, they had a new rug, new pajamas, socks, a book and curtain rods. Thank you so much mama and daddy for all that you did while we were gone. It made coming home so much sweeter!!
Later that evening, my grand parents came up to see pictures and have dinner. I can't even begin to explain how blessed that we are with people in our lives. The entire time that we were in Russia, we got so much support from back home. Our family was always there to skype when we needed a taste of home, so many friends sent constant support through emails and facebook. The constant love and support from our family and friends helped more than I can ever say. Being in a foreign country on such an emotional experience is tough. But to know that you have so much love and support back home helps so much.
Then when I got to work today, there were special surprises all in my office:) I have some of the best friends that a girl could ever ask for. A special thank you to Ashley, Renee and Tara! You guys are all such a blessing to me. Your love, support and constant words of encouragement mean the world to me. You are truly the best friends that I could ever ask for. Thank you for being there every step of the way with me.

We are home

Yes we are home...but I feel like I left pieces of my heart in Russia. I didn't have as hard of a time leaving the orpahange on Wednesday as I thought that I would. I think I was so on cloud nine that we had such a good day that I wasn't even thinking about it being the last time that I would see them for a while. When we got on the plane to leave Kras....now that was a different story. Then when we got to Moscow I was okay. Then on the plane leaving Moscow, tit hit me again. I know that this time of waiting is going to be hard but we will get back to them. We just have to lean on the Lord and trust that he is working all things out in his perfect timing.
There is a little issue (well a big issue to be perfectly honest) with the boys biological family. Apparently there is not sufficient evidence that they have done everything that they could to locate their biological family. Well, Tues they located a grandmother. This was almost gut wrenching to us. However we were told that she just had to sign a paper and all would be well. Of course our minds go to the "what if". What if she doesn't sign, what if other family members come forward and want them? We already love them and consider them our sons. I don't know that we could bear it if something happened.
Last night, one of our facilitators called and said that the grandmother has signed. Praise the Lord! This still doesn't put us 100% in the green but in international adoptions, nothing is guarenteed until the judge signs the papers. Thus our drive to get to court as soon as possible is even greater. The sooner we go to court, the less the chance of family coming forward.
We can't wait to get back and see their sweet little faces and to bring them home to be our forever family!
This trip was harder than we ever anticipated. But next time, we will be landing with two of the most precious gifts ever. After a week in a foreign country, extremely exhausted and slap worn out, we were met at the airport by my sister, bro-in-law and nephew. They came to pick us up as they live fairly close to the airport. There was no better return home than to my sweet nephew yelling "Shanny" and running into my arms. They brought us back to their house (where we will stay until tomorrow before we head home) and at midnight....they had steaks, baked potatoes, corn, bread and......SWEET TEA!!! I can't tell yo what a great home coming this was. Benji was beyond thrilled to have "his kind of food"! Thank you Staci and Dwayne. Supper was beyond delicious!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, my sister had hacked into my account where I had pictures from our trip and made the cutest scrapbook of our visits with the boys and had printed and framed two family photos for us. I had no idea she knew how to get into my account (she clearly knows me all too well:) Thank you so much for such a great homecoming!!! We love you guys!

Day 3 with the boys

Today was our last day to see the boys before we head home. It was a pretty rough morning. We worried all night and all day that we would leave here without them even bonding to us a little bit. We had to run to a notary's office to sign our intent to adopt. From there we had to go back to the orpahange director's office to sign a paper so that they can't show our boys to anyone else. It takes them out of the system as a referral. There we met with a lawyer who discussed a situation with our facilitator. It is a situation that I'll get to in a minute. Then we went to see the boys. As we walked in M was already in the room with a care taker. He smiled when we walked in and when I reached out to pick him up he immediately came to me. A few minutes later, D walks in and acknowleges us but goes straight for the toys. Again he is very guarded with us. After a while he gets the beach ball...his favorite and begins kicking to Benji. This time he was smiling and even laughing when he was playing. M was content to sit in my lap and play with toys. After a while he stood in front of me and just rubbed my face. I leaned forward and gave him a smooch and a second later he gave me a smooch back. D's beloved beach ball busted (but it has served us well this week) so he got on a rocking horse with wheels and Benji and I pushed him back and forth to wach other. He smiled more while doing this then I have ever seem him smile. After a while, Benji spends a little one on one time with M, and I go to D. He is such a sad little boy that it breaks my heart. He lets you play with him for just a minute then he wants to be alone. I played with a paino with him for a little bit. At this point I was determined to get him in my arms. I rubbed his little cheek for a minute. As I did this, he had the saddest look in his eyes. It was terrible. I really felt like he is longing for love but I so scared of it at the same time. Then I reached out to pick him up and his bottom lip just quivered, and he took a step backwards. I grabbed him anyways and just held him close. He let me...praise God he let me! I told him over and over that I loved him (and I said it in the best Russian that I could) He let out a deep sigh, and at this point he wasn't tense at all in m arms...he was caving. I held him for another couple minutes. After this one short but sweet moment, he played with us steady for the rest of our visit. He never from this point on went to play by himself....and he laughed, and smiled.....a lot! He let Benji hold him a lot and even leaned into Benji showing a little more trust. Not long before we were to say good-bye, we have them the teddy bears that my mama bought. (She went to Build-a-Bear and made D a dog and M a bear. Then she got voice recorders for each one). Benji and I recorded our voices in the dog and bear saying "daddy loves you" and "mama loves you". They loved the bears....especially D. He toted it all around with him and he was constantly pressing the button to make it speak. At the very end, we all four sat together on the couch while our facilitator made a few last pictures of all of us. D sat very contently in Benji's lap...which would not have happend yesterday, and M sat contently in my lap. When it was time to go, D let us hug him a told us good-bye with a smile...not a cold blank stare and wave. Benji had M when the came to get him and M pitched a tantrum when they went to take him. The care taker had to take him out of Benji's arms as he was not wanting to go. Part of this made us feel terrible but then again it felt so good that he wanted to stay. I can now leave a little more in peace than I could have yesterday. It's not at all easy to say good by, but there is a greater sense of comfort saying good-bye when you made a connection.